Arielle 101: How to Get Over Someone

If you are named Arielle Carmeline V. Sindac, whose nickname is spelled Roelle and not Roele (oh my Gerard, I know I misspell, but seriously? Have been misspelling my nickname ever since I knew how to write). If you believe that you are a ninja, a carrot and a mermaid, but not necessarily in that order. If you contradict yourself by categorizing yourself as uncool, but say you were made of awesomesauce and win. If you annually have the bad case of the like like, aka the Were-girl Sickness- what the great BAMF calls it anyway. If you use up all your 11:11 wishes for this person, staying up late for that wish that you desperately want to come true. And if you've been letting your part-girl side take over, instead of being macho, and being affected by so much girl feels.

If you are all of the above or have the following symptoms of falling in like with someone: watching really girly cheesy rom-coms, can't stop thinking about someone "special" in your life, stalking becomes part of your everyday routine (actual stalking and online stalking), you read through your messages over and over again, and experience being kilig? Then How to Get Over Someone is what you need to let go, move on and be happy.

Warning: After being happy, it is inevitable that you will fall in like like with someone else, or the same person if you are stew-pod (please google this reference). May lead to making even more stupid mistakes, assumptions and to be left with so much heartbreak if step-by-step procedures are not done correctly. Also, this is not for everybody, so do not rely on this tutorial to be the answer to all your feels problems. It is meant to help you, not permanently damage you in the head thinking this will save your life. Remember, this will only help you be happy, in the end becoming happy is all up to you.

So how does one get over someone that you've fallen in like with- in like like with if you are in denial about already being in love (if you are indeed in love, you need to run as fast as you can! Do not turn back- only sad hopes and dreams await you. Oh, I kid. You're not in love, that's infatuation you poor, poor person you. Don't be so dramatic)? They either do it the hard way by crying and mess up their tear ducts, microwaving ice cream and drinking down that melty goodness thinking that it will make them forget their woes. And then there's that crying over how movie scenarios never happen in real life. Where you go on believing that the cosmos is out to ruin you and be destined to a life of forever aloneness. Falling in like isn't that over-rated. Also, seeing the world in slow mo is not involved.

Le duh. You got it all wrong. It's actually pretty easy. Stop whining. Close that window of his/her online whatevers. Close it. Good. Also music helps so bring out whatever listening device you have (I like cassette players and walkman players. Shut up, that's how I roll. Do you want me to help you or not?). Food is involved, but not too much. No matter how heavenly and glorious food is, it will not be an answer to all your problems. Food can make you happy, but then it can lead to you being fat, and for girls or part-girls out there, being fat makes people unhappy. So yeah.

Maestro! The orchestra version of Nyan Cat! I present the means to unlock the secrets to the universe!

HOW TO GET OVER SOMEONE 

(aka the guide to help you stop being in like with the worst person to fall in like for because it is a match doomed and destined to fail because the universe is conspiring against the future of your love life and wants you to be a happy single but you fail to realize this)

STEP 1: LISTEN TO MUSIC
You got this coming. Music is so powerful. It has the ability to make babies smart, increase your IQ, make you feel alive, turn you on, make you cry, make you so annoyed at the stupidity of the lyrics, and it can heal wounds apparently- heart wounds, how amazing is that? What I suggest is that you listen to the entire discography of My Chemical Romance. I kid you not, this band will help you help yourself. Even the B-sides will do you some good. Also I recommend you listen to the I Love You Because soundtrack. It's a musical that's beautiful and will touch your soul and make you laugh at the same time. Do not diss, be open-minded. Your ears and your heart will thank you if you do. Especially your heart. So you listen to MyChem and then you listen to an off-Broadway production.

And yes, you can listen to an entire discography of your respective favorite band. If MyChem is too "emo" for your elitist tastes and if you continue to not believe that this band has the ability to save your life, then go ahead and choose ONE favorite band's music to listen to. Just one band or artist is enough. Trust me. There's a lot of work that must be done on this road to self-recovery and happiness. You have only taken the first STEP. Literally, since it's like STEP 1. Get it?

Also you are advised to not play songs that remind you of that person, of the time you spent together, of that song that was playing in the background which you quickly labelled as your "theme song". Don't. That is sad. I will call you a sadist. Because you obtain pleasure from inflicting pain on yourself.

STEP 2: MAKE KWENTO
There's nothing like gushing to someone else about just how much you are in like with this person, then after a week or two you'll be ranting about how the same guy/girl you were just falling in like for was such a confusing bastard/bizz and made you feel bad whenever they didn't say hi or text or call or like your new profile picture. You know this is you. But do you know the person to whom you are supposed to confide with? Do you know the right person to just verbal vomit on whenever you get the bad case of the like?

You can't just pick a person off your beffie list in random. You pick the one that's blunt and brutally honest. Don't go to the one who goes, "Oh, don't worry. He's just doing that because he wants you to miss him", or this, "Who does she think she is?! She's not even worth your love!". They're the kind of friends who you unconsciously only want around because they make you feel special and beautiful when in truth? You need to stop feeding your over-sized ego and get a slap to the face. A hard slap. Being told what you want to hear doesn't have the same effect as being lectured of what you need to hear.

Trust me. Pick the right kwento mate. A best friend that knows you, knows your were-girl tendencies, knows almost everything about you. A person who doesn't care if you're texting while taking a dump, has seen you in your most embarrassing- if she can stand you for who you are even better. Preferably one that has won your trust and favor and has been given a BEST FRIEND AWARD KIT (complete with Pinch Her Cheeks card and other cool stuff like stickers). I prefer that this person can rock your universe, can wait for you for forever in the LRT station, will text you out of the blue and lastly, will make you learn important lessons and make you smile so hard that your eyes tear up.

Find that person. And make kwento. Do it face to face, in public where people will give you looks, at your nearest McDonald's. Don't forget the tissue. And the moolah for large fries.

STEP 3: FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
Eat. Don't starve yourself to death trying to be skinny. Don't overindulge that you get fat and unhappy.

Eat the food that makes you happy. Cabbage makes people happy. This is a scientific fact, also it is healthy. But if you love burritos? Go for it. Allow yourself to be happy with food. If there is one thing that will keep you happy for the rest of your life? It's food.

What did you eat as a kid? The Tomi chips that were sold for P2 at your friendly neighborhood sari-sari store? Or that taho from the vendor you've known since you were taking gymnastics until the day you can't even stand up straight or touch your toes because of the thing called a belly? Or a pound worth of candy mix filled with gummy worms, gummy bears, gummy fast food, gummy mammals, sour candy and M & M's?

Food has been there for you since forever and ever. It has kept people alive. Unlike that person you just fell in like with? You just met like, what, only a few days ago? At least a week? Months? These people will make you happy, inspire you, at the start but after awhile? They will make you unsatisfied with what you have, like your feels grows a brain and starts to think stupid things such as, "I want more than just this. I want more from you." Newsflash. Those are people. You can't just mind whammy people into giving them the same fees that would be directed at you (unless you have amazing eyes, so that's another story). The only situation you can actually get to say that to is when you're talking to your food.

Same thing with love. Yeah, sure love will keep you alive. For awhile. The same fire that lit your passions, burned your heart with so much like will be the same flame that sets your soul to burn and die. It will consume you, unlike food which... you consume. You don't want a one-time lover, you want a life-partner. And who's been there for you whenever you needed it? Food has, le duh (except when you run out of money and you're so hungry? Then this title of being there for you belongs to the person who lends you money to buy food OR treats you to lunch). Remind yourself that you don't need a dude/girl to keep you happy. Food will.

Also food is photogenic, unlike the person you are in like with. Just saying. Think about it.

STEP 4: TREAT YO SELF
Okay, so I admit this is a new STEP in the Move On Already process. I've just recently found out about this, and from an article on how to get over an unrequited crush actually. Huh.

So, I've got three words for you: Treat. Yo. Self. Give yourself a break. Allow yourself to TREAT YO SELF once a year, once a month if you want or think that you have to. You may have fallen in like with the biggest douchebag? But you're better than that. What would you rather do? Give so much to this asscrack or would you rather try to let go, to move on by thinking, "Hey, I really needed this. I deserve this, I deserve better." Then boom! Start thinking about yourself more and bring out the moolah.

Sometimes you need to be materialistic. Money can't buy happiness? Whoever said that should go buy himself a Cornetto. Sometimes you need to buy that dress because it makes you feel like a supermodel. Sometimes you just have to buy those sneakers because it matches your bag. Or that collectible you've always wanted as a kid, but never got because Santa thinks you don't need it and your parental units like giving you the things they think you need. They mean well, but they make it hard on you and buy you over sized everythings thinking that you will still grow into them at the age of eighteen. Unless the size XXL is your thing for sweaters, then it's cool. But if it involves pants that don't make you look sexy and increases your thigh size by 65.9%? Then that is just sad. I feel your pain. Just suck it up and say, Thank you mom. I love it!

If you can feel happy by buying things you want? Do it. You're not going to get anything from making emo glances over at that person you like (they should be doing emo glances at you, okay? Sheesh) Be creative, be productive with your time and life. Carpe Diem your life. Get a makeover, get a haircut, get a piercing, close your eyes and get a tattoo. Do something special to commemorate your Treat Yo Self.

Even better- do it with a friend! Copy Tom and Donna from Parks and Recs: they get massages together, then hit the mall to buy the most random things that they would eventually stuff in the back of their closets. That's kind of the point of the whole Treat Yo Self gig. You are now part of a team that tries to make themselves feel better about themselves. At least do it the right way and go all the way! With like, fireworks amazing proportions. And head turning reactions involved from being a diva.

Because, yes, you are the king of your own world. Queen, whatever. Go rule your life the way you want to.

Also, save up. Treat Yo Selfs should make you happy- not worry! Get all the moolah you can to really splurge, it's only once a year, right? It should be over the top and memorable. And pricey.

Unless of course, you find joy in the simplest of things, like socks. Or you want to wear your inner geek love on your sleeve, so you go ahead and buy a freaking Batman costume and wear it around.

Man, a Batman costume.

Hey! It isn't pathetic! It's cool! Now go talk in your best Batman voice, the one that sounds like your trying to sound sexy in bed but just sound like you voice translated into scary alien. Who cares? You're the Dark Knight!

Now go save yourself! Hero it up instead of waiting for your superhero- Treat Yo Self foo!

STEP 5: ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
You don't have to wreck a really cool store to do this, for one you're not in the set of Zombieland. Are you being chased by the living dead? Do you carry a gun 24/7? Are you named after places?  No, you're not. But it would be cool tho. End of the world due to a zombie apocalypse. But this is just you trying to get over the like, it is not the end of the world even if you think it is. Sheesh. It's not as bad a s a zombie chasing you for your tasty innards (Oh hey, at least someone's dying for your heart. Get it? Should really stop being so corny...). Being stuck in the like. Now that's scary as fudge. Fudge.

You're in like. You're guilty of devoting too much time and affection to this person. Charged for taking things for granted just for this person and you forget what really made you happy in the first place. What made you like this person in the first place? His/her wonderful personality? Really now? Are you sure it wasn't his hair, or the sexy legs? Or his sweet dulcet tones? Oh, come on.

If it was his smile that blinded you, his pearly whites that made you swoon, that made your day? Then that liking is still healthy. But once you start adding things to that, over-thinking all the little details, assuming that everything he/she does is for you? You have to think, "Wait, what am I doing? I just liked his beautiful lips? I don't have to start naming my future unborn children because of him."

Keep it simple. Enjoy the little things.

And it doesn't even have to be about the person you'd call the cops on and then say, "Officer, arrest this person! For stealing my heart!". It can be you enjoying the really simple kind of little things. If you love singing in the shower, boom! There you go. Enjoy the fact that you sound like a Grammy winner inside the bathroom. You have a thing for collecting old books? Hit up a book sale and go add more to your collection. There's a thing that just melts your heart when you watch the sunset? Go watch a sunset on your roof- just don't fall off or I'll be in so much trouble for being responsible of leading you to breaking your neck. When you adore this kiddie show that your baby brother watches? Watch it with him, you never know just how much good advice little brothers can give you. Try it.

The stuff you used to do as a kid can count as well. It was a time when love was a simple hug and kiss from your parents, not you obsessing over people and naming weird ass baby names to unborn children. When you didn't have a care in the world and was at your happiest (unless of course you were one messed up kid to begin with, then I am so sorry about your childhood). Where there's something about blowing bubbles that makes me happy, and that's something I did as a kid. It could be when you made boats out of newspapers, then turned them into hats. Or when you would eat powdered Milo straight from the container with a spoon. Or burn stuff with a magnifying glass. Or remember that time you used a box and made it into your own rocket ship and soared off. Fell off the stairs and landed on your face, actually...  child!Arielle. What were you thinking? Well, better than being in like. So whateves, go "flying" to outer space if you want to.

It's the little things that count, and it's the little things that stay with you.

STEP 6: BAKE
I'm serious. Bake.

It's therapy. Plus, you can earn moolah if you start selling baked goods at school. Not only are you trying to get over this guy, but you're making other people happy. And you're earning money as well.

I'm really serious about this. Baking. It's like magic. And Chemistry made easy. It helps.

STEP 7: ALONE TIME
Being alone doesn't mean you're lonely. There comes a time when you really need to remove yourself from the usual people you spend every waking moment with and just be with me, myself and I. And God if you're like me.

So I have special places around campus that I call as my hangout spots. My zones. A place wherein I can do things I want in complete silence. Or when I need to finish something, I just go to the one that's nearest to me and work there.

I also use the time to reflect, to think. Maybe to be all emo and nostalgic about really sentimental shizz. But I believe everyone needs time for themselves, even if you're only company would be your emo thoughts and sad revelations of how sad and pathetic your life is from all the thinking.

Also, you might be in danger of over-thinking, something one must try to avoid if possible if one wants to get over this person. Remember, the goal is to try and move on? Not try to fall more in dangerous like with this person. Yeah?

STEP 8: WATCH 
You're almost at the point of no return: getting over the bad case of the like. Just a few more STEPS my dear. You can do this. All you need now is to watch a few movies that will put your life into perspective. Okay, so these are all cheesy romance films. But still. They help.

Okay! Foine! You will mess up you tear ducts by watching these movies, there I said it! These are the movies that are moving and leave you all mushy. But you'll be happy, okay. And you'll learn life lessons you will need to forge on the path to being an even awesome you. You don't have to watch everything, just watch what you can and keep an open-mind. These usually work for girls, but there are guys that secretly love watching chick flicks. Just saying.

1. Moulin Rouge
2. Pocahontas
3. 500 Days Of Summer
4. Little Manhattan
5. UP
6. Happythankyoumoreplease
7. Whip It
8. Paper Heart
9. A Crazy Little Thing Called Love
10. RENT
11. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Notice how most of these movies do not have a clear answer if the protagonists do live a life of happiness in the end, they don't all get their happily ever afters or the super hot guy in the end. They get awesome second chances even, they get something way cooler than having their prince-you're-not-that-charming sweep them off their feet. Go punch this fake prince. With your face. Okay, don't. You might land somewhere and like get a brain tumor from all that princely ego. Not worth it.

How's this for inspiring? These fictional movie people become better individuals, they learn how to love themselves, be content with what they have, or learn that a dude/eleven year old girl is not the end of the world for them. And if they're lucky? They even find love in the right places. Tadah, results!

They also learn the easiest thing you can do, but what most people always find it to be the hardest to do- how to let go.

Or you can fight to the finish for the girl of your dreams. Your choice. Being in lesbians with someone isn't that bad. Well, it won't be if you've fallen for Ramona Flowers. She may be a bizz sometimes, but you gotta admit. That girl just blows you away even by just looking at you. Even if it's a look that says, What the fudge is going on with your hair?, and involves a lot of eyebrow raising. HA. You lame-o.

STEP 9: LOOK BACK
I know I said at the very long intro not to, but I'm allowing you to do this. For now. You're now allowed to look back and reminisce and put yourself in even moar deep shizz. Yeah, yeah, you can thank me later.

I know you have picture evidences of this person, and if you're lucky you have one with that person as well. I know you're kilig and rolling on your bed like a girl- hold up. Calm you tits, braaahh. There's more. I know you'd reread text messages, over-think conversations you've had and put meaning to things that aren't there in the first place. Are you done? Have you looked at everything? Have you sucked up all your life force from just staring and salivating from the sheer hotness of this person? Oh, he isn't hot? So what the heck did you do with those pictures? Eww, gross dude. I did not want to know that you put it under your pillow so you can dream of that person. You poor, poor bastard.

Now this is the fun part. And when I say fun I mean, For Ultimate Noobs. Fall Under Norway. Forbidden Ukelele Nostalgia. Oh you get the point. You have to make this fun, otherwise you will be a sad person if you can't bring yourself to physically let go.

I want you to hide the photos. If you can bring yourself to delete these pictures, or throw them away, or make a sacrificial altar out of these images and burn them? Be my guest.

Be creative. Draw mustaches and pirate patches on all his pictures before pulling out a lighter. Get the thing he gave you and toss it in the flame. Do a little Indian dance and chant, "YouwillneverevermakemekiligagainandgivemesadfeelsbecauseItransformedyoufromahappycrushtobelievingweweremeanttobeeeeeeeeee". Make a voodoo doll! Oh my Gerard, yes make one! If you have your old Ken dolls from your childhood doll days, even better! Write his name on your voodoo doll, draw some special features that will make it resemble the likeness of your like like person. Or if you're a crazy stalker, go stick that lock of hair on his chest with scotch tape. Now he has chest hair. You could be all, "You're so gay! You don't even like me!" then start throwing Ken doll or giving it to your dog to chew and mangle with its teeth.

Don't worry. You're not bitter. You're just.... being creative? Also, it's funny and it's way funner to watch. Look! I think Ken just lost a leg!

Next up. Those text messages. Delete them. All of it. Your convos that you save as well. Get to it. We don't have all day. Nuh-uh. You cannot puppy dog eyes your way out of this. No. No, eyes don't work. Stop it.

Sheesh.

Fine, you can keep some. Just some. Since you're so attached and all, and it perks up your day. But seriously, if I were you? I'd delete them all. Make yourself moar miserable by dwelling on the past, on all those silly random conversations to 4 in the morning. No point trying to get stuck and hooked to every last text that may imply some sort of liking from the other end. Trust me. If the person likes you back, or that much? He/she will tell you.

He/she will. Trust. Me.

STEP 10: READ A BOOK
This is the last thing you do. I have this book entitled The Orpheus Obsession by Dakota Lane. I seriously read this book whenever I want to get over someone. I kid you not. I've had this book since high school and only thought of highlighting words or quotes from the book that struck me most just last year. By doing this I'd leave reminders to myself, to my future self that would open up the book during the next like like. Also, whenever I'd read it, there's always a new lesson I'd get- a new revelation of how messed up I was over the guy. It was just a girly book, with a plot that was sad because it had something to do with boys in bands. And boys in bands would always mean that someone was going to get hurt, like poor innocent, naive girls who thought they were in love. Something about how there is just too much emotional shizz going on between them that just makes the story sad. Not just for the girl, but for the guy too. Because right there was a whole new level of wrong that a band guy can do to a fan.

It was scary. The thought of how millions of girls fall for the same person, thinking every time, "He's looking at me. I love him! One day I'm going to marry him. He's just so nice and talented! His hair is so beautiful whenever he does a hair flip". Crazy fangirls... Sad, sad life. What am I doing with my life.

That you'd be driven mad by jealousy and jelly in your tummy, even if you weren't supposed to be. But I have nothing else to do, but feel sorry for Anooshka (and myself, for I will be forever be feelingsmithy and in love with Spencer Smith, thinking that I would get married to him. Even if it's obvious that he won't be breaking up with his gf anytime soon. Oh, what are you doing with your life, Arielle?), and continue reading. And by the time I get to the last chapter, by the time I've read the last line? I'm okay.

I've seriously let go. And I was good to go until the next case of the like like. By then, there will be a lot of pining involved and very depressing amount of time spent ogling at this poor, oblivious bastard.

(Another book that I like reading as well during the Get Over This Person is The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan. There's just something about looking at life through different perspectives of very different individuals. I would think, to whom can I relate with the most? Is this how I am with this person? Why am I so messed up? Why does this character seem so sexy? These fictional characters weren't perfect, they made mistakes. They do bad things. They creep people out. And they also choose to be different. And there's no BS, no censorship on how people really are in real life. There are pretty weird people who think about weird stuff. But that's what makes it so cool- that reality is all up in your face, in your hands. And giving you weird ideas. Yup, you get all that from reading books. Stimulates the brain and all. You should try reading.)

So yeah. I've gotten over the person by the time I reached STEP 10. I have moved on. I did not find this person attractive, nor did he/she make me laugh like they used to. His hair wasn't something I'd stare at, nor was the shirts he wore on repeat was something I'd think of. I would be completely changed and with a slight indifference of sorts (well, unless I'm close with this person. If so I would never again put meaning and think that the person was subliminal messaging me, Hey! I like you too! I will just act like the way I've always been with this person, minus all the secret pining). I'd probably get a haircut too- a change of appearance. A new you that was like a neon sign to remind yourself when you look at the mirror that, "Oh hey, look at you! See? You've survived the experience! I hope you learned a lesson from all this".

But if I was unlucky? And still thought of that person. And was all kilig. And died every time he looked me in the eyes or talked to me. Complete with secretly dancing the victory dance and smiling so hard faces started to hurt. Oh, dear lord. A walking crash course of what NOT to do to get over someone.

Le sigh. There is nothing to do, but give yourself a facepalm, and start over from STEP 1. With a rebotic voice that says, Now press repeat.

No more 11:11 wishes for you.

- >:)