Here is a tutorial on how to get your emo on, be able to not care about what people think (but on the inside cries because of the haters), forever stay in the level uncool, and give people the finger with such ease and confidence. It is advised that you be of legal age and that you are a girl to do this. Because if you are a manly man man, you may just be Spencer Smith (you are given instructions to please marry me). If you are a dude, then this will not give you pogi points- I swear to Gerard. Trying to copy me might result to failing, something that happens on a daily basis in the life of part girls. Dude's sensibilities are actually more fragile than to that of a part girl's, so you might not survive. But if you really are desperate to be like a ninja: follow at your own risk! You have been warned.
After this tutorial, you will be made of awesomesauce and win, carrot sexiness and ninja skills. Use all that you have learned wisely, and maybe you can change the world. But remember, world domination always comes after making others happy and people you heart even happier. That's the ninja way.
~
HOW TO BE A DUDE WITH GIRL PARTS
1. TRADEMARK EMOTICONS
The use of >:) at the end of every sentence is a must. It is like adding a copyright at the end of a brand name. This emoticon is your symbol, they will use this when they flash your name in the night sky as a beacon of hope for the downtrodden. Like a signal that will call you in times of need, when the police and even Batman cannot handle the situation- you are called to take their place, because hey! You're a ninja, and a ninja's work is never done.
Another emoticon used by part girls is this :I. It is used to indicate that the person using it is either annoyed, sad, not amused and pissed. If you want to tell the world that you are beyond the land of pissed and have reached the mountain of kick your face mad? Then use this >:(. If you want to look cooler than how uncool you already are, how about you wear shades? Like this guy >B(. Now he looks super fly.
2. COMEBACKS
Q: What's up?
A: The ceiling >:)
Q: Are you alright?
A: Are you?>:)
Notice how they all end with the trademark emoticon. Even in verbal communication should this emoticon be heard when you open your mouth and words come out. You are supposed to be clever. Or at least try to sound like you are. Witty comebacks cannot always come to you, because you are of the uncool level. But you can always try. You are also allowed to be as random as possible in order to avoid fail situations and more opportunities to be embarrassed.
Please take in mind that you should always try to not reveal something stupid about yourself. Because these things backfire, and they backfire at you. And slam into your eye, and you need four eyes to be able to see.
3. BAD LIAR
Yes, you cannot lie. You are like a magical sitar, a magical sitar that can only speak the truth. BUT! There is a loophole to this. Ever heard of "fake it 'til you make it"?
Well, first off, you aren't lying technically. You're just changing the way you talk to people. Especially, when you feel uncomfortable in telling the real truth. It's really hard to understand, but you'll get it. If you don't get it and ask, "Oh, maaaan. How am I supposed to learn this shizz?"- then I am sorry to say that you are not capable of following the next steps. You can turn back and die a slow painful death. I kid. But you have to be more creative and stubborn than that. Not backing down because you dare not bruise whatever ego you have leftover is what being a part girl is all about. How do you think you got to pass off as a dude? With your pride. Le duh. Well, sort of and the fact that you are very insisting when it comes to having your way.
Be creative and twist things. You aren't lying, you are but avoiding saying the complete truth. Do this and you can pass any obstacle that comes your way. Whether it be about your whereabouts to your parents, to make it to class on time or to protect the heart.
4. YOROZUYA LIFESTYLE
"Odd jobs" in Japanese, but as a ninja you can use this as an entirely different meaning. Be well-rounded, a jack of all trades if you wish. Knowing a lot of things makes you more interesting. Also this can help you branch out and be flexible to certain topics and new ideas. You also know how to do really cool stuff that not everyone knows how to do.
Where you can create paper monsters with nothing but a pair of scissors, colored scrap material, glue, and a whole lot of guts and patience. When being asked to make boxes of cupcakes a day is answered with a "YES, PLEASE. How many are you ordering? Oh, 7 boxes? Okay, see you tomorrow". How going against dudes during a soccer match will have dudes shake your hand, saying lovely things such as "great job, keeper"- even if your team didn't win. Or you can do needlework. Even if it's not that good, you can still have a lumpy ninja carrot unicorn baby as an end product. Maybe being a yorozuya means you're good with your hands. Jazz hands and funky fingers, baby.
Also being a yorozuya like Gintoki seems so much fun. You have naturally wavy hair and carry around a wooden sword. He isn't a ninja, but samurai's are cool too. His bushido code, his way of the samurai, is to live standing tall until the day he dies. I also have adopted my own bushido, even if I am a ninja. Bushido sounds cool. Sorry ninjas.
So drink more strawberry milk and save people lives. Don't forget to walk your giant alien dog and fight evil with nothing but a sword made of wood, guts and two sidekicks.
Where you can create paper monsters with nothing but a pair of scissors, colored scrap material, glue, and a whole lot of guts and patience. When being asked to make boxes of cupcakes a day is answered with a "YES, PLEASE. How many are you ordering? Oh, 7 boxes? Okay, see you tomorrow". How going against dudes during a soccer match will have dudes shake your hand, saying lovely things such as "great job, keeper"- even if your team didn't win. Or you can do needlework. Even if it's not that good, you can still have a lumpy ninja carrot unicorn baby as an end product. Maybe being a yorozuya means you're good with your hands. Jazz hands and funky fingers, baby.
Also being a yorozuya like Gintoki seems so much fun. You have naturally wavy hair and carry around a wooden sword. He isn't a ninja, but samurai's are cool too. His bushido code, his way of the samurai, is to live standing tall until the day he dies. I also have adopted my own bushido, even if I am a ninja. Bushido sounds cool. Sorry ninjas.
So drink more strawberry milk and save people lives. Don't forget to walk your giant alien dog and fight evil with nothing but a sword made of wood, guts and two sidekicks.
5. MACHO
It may be the arms and the thighs of Hulk proportions (splitting of the seams because these
"Christmas hams"... are huge), but mostly it is all about the guts.
"Christmas hams"... are huge), but mostly it is all about the guts.
When you fall, you pose and pretend it's a position to strike an enemy, and then you pick yourself up. Even if you cut yourself from having to do needlework, you suck it up and put colorful band aids on the wounds. (Having bandages makes you even more of a ninja, like having arm accessories. To strike fear in your opponents hearts, and look cooler than you actually are. Why do you thing Sasuke makes a show of having bandages? Besides trying to hide the "I love Naruto" tattoo he has, but it's what he wears like a model strutting down a catwalk. It makes him look fierce.) When you lose your beloved Domo kun, you cry inside. But you handle it with all the manly guts you can muster. And try to not sob over the fact that your e-purse couldn't be accessed, so you had to fork over cold, hard cash. Oh, Domo.
So yes, be macho. Be macho mucho if you must. It's like having an aura, your aura of machoness.
6. CATCHPHRASES
Here are a few that you can use in order to stay uncool. These is said in online convos and real life ones as well. Do not be afraid to show who you really are and to speak your mind. And to speak with these in your vocabulary:
"LE DUH"- used when you want to say, "Dude. Come on. Duh." The 'Le' part makes you sound even more uncool. Keep saying it anyway. It's better than making so much effort to slide your palm down your face.
"DYOSKODAAAIII"- used when you feel a face palm coming from being annoyed. This is the only accepted Filipino swear to be used. It sounds bad enough when you say it.
"GRAAAABEEEE KAINIS"-said when annoyed, but amused at the same time.
"NEVSMIND"-a shortcut to nevermind. Same rule replies to different words (i.e. pangit-panksss, gwapo-gwaps, whatever, man-whateves, man). Cut the word and add in the extra 's'.
"I KID YOU NOT/I KID, I KID"-said when serious, or when you want to say that, "No, your hair does not look bad. IT LOOKS WORSE. Theeeen you add the "I kid, I kid", You'll figure when to use this soon.
"IT'S OKAY. DON'T CRY."-said to comfort people, it sort of makes light of a situation, but can also express that you are serious. It's in the way that you say it that defines whether you mean it mean it, or if you just say it to sound cool.
"GOOD FOR YOU (, BRAHH)"-said when there is nothing left to say. See # 5 for comeback ideas, but other than that, this is what you use.
"OH MY GERARD/SWEAR TO GERARD/IN THE NAME OF GERARD"-do not use the name of God in vain, so I chose Gerard Way to save my spiritual life as well.
"TOUCHE TO YOUR ASS"-goodnight in Arielle speak
"TOUCHE TO YOUR ASS"-goodnight in Arielle speak
"I AM A NINJA"-the perfect excuse. For. Everything. Most fun thing to answer when people ask who you are, or to explain yourself. You go straight the point.
7. 11:11
You just wish. Or cross your fingers. And then wish really hard, wish really hard girl! So very, very hard it would feel as if you were trying to push out a shooting star from in between your butt cheeks. Worse than a Thousand Years of Death/Pain.
Don't worry, if you don't make it during 11:11 PM, there's always 11:11 in the afternoon.
What do you wish for? World peace? That the Philippines gets to be # 1 in the world? That you can find the strength to make a lot of people happy and that you don't give up on trying to make people feel that someone out there loves them and wants to be happy? Even if virtual potatoes get thrown at your virtual smiley for your effort- you know it's worth it. Part girls rules because you can ninja sense that that person is trying so very hard not to laugh like an idiot.
You just wish. Or cross your fingers. And then wish really hard, wish really hard girl! So very, very hard it would feel as if you were trying to push out a shooting star from in between your butt cheeks. Worse than a Thousand Years of Death/Pain.
Don't worry, if you don't make it during 11:11 PM, there's always 11:11 in the afternoon.
What do you wish for? World peace? That the Philippines gets to be # 1 in the world? That you can find the strength to make a lot of people happy and that you don't give up on trying to make people feel that someone out there loves them and wants to be happy? Even if virtual potatoes get thrown at your virtual smiley for your effort- you know it's worth it. Part girls rules because you can ninja sense that that person is trying so very hard not to laugh like an idiot.
8. OBLIVIOUSITY
Sometimes ninjas are too ninja for their own good. They're too busy doing missions and trying to make people happy, that they do not always mind their surroundings. Sometimes they don't even notice something THAT important until it is a slap to the face. Or that other people actually have the same mission, but towards that sad, oblivious ninja.
It may take months for the ninja to finally go, "Ohhhh. Now I get it".
This is a weakness that can be fatal to you. But being oblivious is not your fault, you just don't know what's really up unless it's literally, ALL UP IN YOUR FACE. Your face. It is fatal in terms that you can get a sneak attack, or you can hurt people without meaning to.
Obliviousity is sort of similar to being slow. It's okay. You need to slow down so you can find your target, right? Being a dude that's part girl, ninja skills will not be on 24/7. There will be times when chakra levels are low so you can get distracted at times. Or tired.
But never admit that you got pwned in being a ninja. It will just make you an even easier target for your rivals, arch nemesis and bad guys. Also just say, "1-0 for Arielle". Don't forget to make it sound like you're doing the >:) face.
But never admit that you got pwned in being a ninja. It will just make you an even easier target for your rivals, arch nemesis and bad guys. Also just say, "1-0 for Arielle". Don't forget to make it sound like you're doing the >:) face.
9. BULLETPROOF HEART
A ninja has no heart, but when a ninja is accidentally born with one it is made sure that it is a heart that has been made bulletproof.
Training can help strengthen this, but pure guts can enhance the heart. Unfortunately, the modern ninja has too much girl feels. Sometimes it refuses to be a carrot and stay emotionless. A drawback of being a ninja carrot mermaid.
It's okay. Don't cry.
10. THE GIRL GUYS DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH
Crushes come and go to you. And falling in like comes once a year. But true love may never exist.
In real life there is no Christian to when you are Satine, there will be no Sasuke if you were Naruto, and there certainly will be no Flame Princess if you happen to be a thirteen year old hero who just got his heart broken by she-who-must-not-be-named (I'm talking about you PB, you heartbreaker you).
That is the sad truth we dudes that are part girl have come to accept. The truth hurts, but we can only grin like there is nothing wrong and hold back manly sweating from the eyes. People do not fall in love with the weirdo. There may come a time when a sad sad victim will come your way, and "fall" for thee. The only problem is you know that there is no fake happily ever after that you can give.
Be ready to face a life of foreveraloness. That is what your crushes and like likes are there for. You are at least entitled to be kilig like everyone else. You're a dude that's part girl for Gerard's sake- you're a person. You're a normal human being with feels and emotions that go astray. So it's okay, it too shall pass. The person will have been hit with Confusion, with side effects that will lead to the person believing that he has a "crush" or has "fallen in like" with a ninja. This is but a matter of being hungry and mixing up heart guts with actual guts. As a ninja you must keep a calm face, expressionless.
People make mistakes, and their mistake was thinking your love and attention was something else. As a person, you understand that people are lonely and sad most of the time. You have taken it upon yourself to be the one to make them happy without asking for anything in return, and they repay you with awkwardness and messed up everything. You must understand that your weirdness is just so weird that you have already mind whammied people without really doing anything. Having people say that they "like" you is not something you will believe. Because you know that in truth they really don't.
Le sigh.
Le sigh.
11. MISSION IN LIFE
Part girls are stubborn, giving up on people is not an option. As ninjas it is our sworn duty to help others. We are supposed to make people happy, we are supposed to make people we heart even happier. We put our wants and needs aside to allow others to feel special and feel wanted.
Remember! You are not doing this to "fish" for compliments or for your own benefit. All this is done to see that other people can laugh and feel that someone out there loves them. People have been known to take this to heart, and assume that this mission of making people happy is a basis that they should start having feels and start having a "crush" on you. What is the meaning of this word? To squish?
This is dangerous, but you must soldier on. A ninjas work is never done. Making people happy comes first. There is no time for love and all those silly things.
Well, maybe there is. But the sad, unfortunate truth is that insecurities will always come first. Oh, this truth has made this carrot sad. Silently weeping manly sweat from my eyes.
Touche to your ass.
- >:)
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