dear cloud: 20

•••

06

April 1, 2018

Sunday

________________

Dear Cloud,

Hi baby.

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon right now. I’m currently onboard a plane, the destination: back to our country, to home.

And since it’s a Sunday, that means we’re allowed to be honest.

 

Since that’s the way it has always been for me.

Today, I’ve never been more happy.

I’m happy and overwhelmed and excited because the Springtime brought you to me and because of you, I was allowed to restart my life over again. I am able to reinvent myself until I become a better version of Me. To continuously adapt and transform with everything life has blessed, gifted and thrown at me so that I can make my way towards You.

You who are everything and you who mean everything to me now.

Which is why I now know what’s in store for me. What’s waiting. It’s such an impossible dream but I know, I feel it in my soul, that I’m shaping my life to become better for you.

To prepare for you.

I also know that right now, I’m the one thing, and only thing in my life I can control and yeah. I do have a lot to work on because a convenient, easy, safe yet wonderfully challenging, and happy life is what I aim for, what I want to give you. And while it will take so much hard work, patience, faith and time, mixed in with more blood, sweat and tears, these can and will be built in 6 years.

For now, I’ll do right by our promise and begin piecing our life together with what I have. Laying down the foundation for the next great adventure of my life. To start working on and writing out the first draft of tomorrow—a tomorrow that leads to the reality of you.

And these will be built from love and everything I love right now, and the happiness I chase. Because the best things in life are mostly free and I am blessed to be able to grasp most of what makes me incredibly happy in my hands because they are right in front of me.

Such as being blessed with the unconditional love and support I get from my family—our family. Like the wonderful opportunities of being able to see the world and everything it has to offer with new eyes. Being able to enjoy the Universe’s kindness through the reality of real friends and strangers. To also seeing each day as an opportunity to keep learning and growing, while also failing upwards too, towards the best version of ourselves.

But do you know what’s a favorite of mine from all these, the one that can make me instantly incredibly happy?

It’s the music and all the songs I get to listen to. And all the rest that’s just waiting to be made and discovered and then listened to—once or always, anytime, and on repeat even.

There’s so much of the world to uncover, and I promise you we will do these together, but the hard cold truth is that sometimes that takes time and a lot of money—things I don’t always have. But, mang, we are so lucky, so blessed, because music?

Music will always be there. It has been there for me, for my Home, and now it will be there for you.

It will be there for you whenever you need it, or even when you think you don’t need it. For music has been there for me since I can remember and will play such a huge part in our lives.

It has helped me go through hard times and happy ones. It’s what keeps me sane and pulls me back from walking off the ledge, over and over again. It’s what helps me keep the faith and keeps me a little farther away from the Bully and Death, helps me manage my Issue, drowns out what might hurt me and shields me from all the words that can cut me down like knives, words shaped like bullets aimed at my soft, human heart and my struggling hypothalamus. It’s what anchors me, keeps my heart in the clouds and my feet on the ground, and reminds me constantly that music connects me to Home—no matter how far apart we are from each other.

And I am excited for you. Excited for you to hear and feel how music and songs will be there, just for you, patiently waiting for you.

I can’t wait for you to listen to your first song. To discover new music and see what makes your ear holes and soul so happy you can’t help but dance.

I’m also excited for the songs that will pull at your heart gut and make you feel everything. And the music that makes you cry. And cry.

And cry some more.

I want you to hear, and really listen, and let your soul, mind and body embrace everything and I am so, so, soooo excited for you. You have no idea, my darling.

I cannot wait for you to find your favorite band or musician, discover what you’ll consider as your favorite songs. I cannot wait for you save up your allowance to buy your first CD and listen to an album straight for the first time, because that will never ever happen again. To really crack open the plastic wrapper and mull over the album and absorb everything and anything from this piece of important plastic. I cannot wait for you to beg me to take you to this gig or ask for tickets to this concert for your next birthday—and I promise, to always, anytime say yes, begrudgingly even when I know you have school or exams the next day (but if you’re grounded, that’s another story, dear).

I cannot wait for you to cry over a band breaking up, or a music legend you look up to passing away. I cannot wait for you to get weird and sad and whiney over a musician that makes your heart burn. I cannot wait for you to keep discovering and listening to new genres and getting to learn how to appreciate every one of them without bias because good music is good music is good music, regardless of what other’s opinions are about them (—music appreciation is yours and yours alone. Accept rec’s, but my goodness, don’t stop listening to what you like just because someone else doesn’t appreciate these. Don’t also force your favorites on anyone. Just offer these and then allow them to build their own appreciation or opinion on your musical taste. But don’t worry, I have amazing taste in music so you’ll definitely have this as well since it’s ingrained in our DNA.)

 

I cannot wait for you to come up with your own playlists and mixtapes, arranging the songs and letting them flow and sound good to you and to whoever you want to gift these to. Or when you make these for yourself to commemorate your favorite experiences or even those that suck or make you feel like shit. I cannot wait for you to associate songs to feelings and experiences and even people. I cannot wait for you to feel the most kilig over songs, muling the lyrics and connecting them to your latest muse. I cannot wait for you to rage about something that annoys you, that you listen to angry music so that you could be as spiteful and petty without hurting anyone and just release all that violence by listening to anything loud and mad and then calm down after such a deafening but mood-changing music experience. I cannot wait for you to hide away and tear up when someone breaks your heart and you listen to sad songs on repeat for comfort (—I’ll make sure to bring you chocolate, bought or homemade, and wrap you in hugs and pepper your face with kisses, and just stay quiet, and to just listen if you want to share the sadness with me.)

 

But most of all, I cannot wait for you to love OPM, to really listen to the lyrics that come in Filipino or English, or both, or in a different dialect, or any genre or form these songs come in. I want you to love old songs, the classics, and appreciate and discover new local artists and support them by sharing their music with more people. I want you to love the songs that make up your history and the songs that you will carry with you forever and will fit into any mood, or your feels, or experiences you live out.

There is so much to be excited for, my dear. So while you are not here yet, allow me to make you playlist after playlist of the songs I love and I hope you will soon love too.

 

But if you don’t, it’s okay. I just hope you still listen either way.

Love, always, anytime

Your mother

️

dear cloud: 19

To CLOUD(y with a CHANCE of anything and everything because you will be the child of the girl made of storm),

I want you to love running.

Yes, you heard me, right.

Let me repeat myself: I want you to love running.

And, my dear, I don’t want you to just like it—you’re going to hate me one day for this, but I don’t care, because I am your mother. You have to love running.

And if you don’t, you’ll just have to learn how to love it.

Just like how you should learn and teach yourself to love anything and everything that excites and interests you, anything that catches your eye, everything that catches your fancy.

My darling, only know how to love one way, my way, and now yours.

Two words: Love. Hard.

Love hard, Cloud.

Go big or go home, right?

In school, at work, on stage, in life and especially in love—love like I do. Love like we do.

Love. Hard.

Love so hard you wear your heart, proud and unashamed, be as you as you can be, on your sleeve for the rest of the world to see always, anytime.

Love so hard it sets your heart on fire, makes you burn inside out, hurts you but still transforms you, makes you feel so alive always, anytime. 

Love so hard it changes you, teaches you, challenges and pains you, knocks you off your feet and the air out of your lungs always, anytime.

Love so hard you laugh and you cry, confuses you, makes you smile so bright your cheeks hurt, makes you bawl so bad you feel your soul cleanse itself through every tear always, anytime.

Yes, my dearest, my last hope, my CHANCE, I want you to love.

Love hard always, anytime.

But only second to how much you should love yourself. Again, always, anytime. 

Now back to running.

I want you to love running, Cloud.

I need you to love running.

I need you to run.

I need you to run as fast as you can.

I need you to run as fast as your legs can carry you.

I need you to run as fast, as if you were running your very last, making you run even faster than you know you could, surprising yourself.

Surprise yourself. 

I want you to use your two legs to jump and run, and feel the stretch of your muscles with every stride, allowing you to swing your legs, allowing you to leap and leap and leap, and go even further.

Further away from me if you want to.

Just keep running.

I want you to run and run and run.

I want you to love feeling out of breath, holding your breath, preserving the air inside your lungs, the only way running so hard can teach you.

And I want you to run so hard that you always end up feeling that way—out of breath. So that you live your life looking at the world, allowing anything and everything to steal your breath away at how wonderful it really, truly still is.

Run my dearest, darling, you.

So that when you run and reach the point when you think you’re already out of air to breath, promise me you’ll gather whatever strength you didn’t know was still in you—and then.

Keep running.

Full speed ahead towards the direction of what makes you happy.

Keep running.

Full speed ahead towards the direction of uncertainty and what scares you, and what makes you uncomfortable.

Keep running.

Full speed ahead towards a destiny of your choosing and work twice as hard for.

Keep running.

Full speed ahead towards a life you are allowed to shape into any form, making your own choices and decisions, and owning them.

Keep running.

Full speed ahead towards the best version of you, and continue reinventing yourself over and over again, so you never stop learning.

Keep running.

Keep running.

Keep running.

Keep running and save yourself.

dear cloud: 18

Hi baby,

I thought of you today, about the person you could grow up to be.

And I got excited and teary eyed, ‘cause I know you’ll be a handful and you’ll be a crazee kid just like me. But for sure, you’ll be hella smart—and I just know it, because. Well, you’ll be smart, but for sure you won’t get that from me. 

But whoever you become, whatever you’re meant to be, I really hope and pray that you’ll love everything and anything—just like your mommy.

I pray you’ll love music, especially OPM. And maybe you’ll like My Chemical Romance, and even Mayday Parade, and you’ll fall in love with my favorite songs from the Eraserheads.

I hope you’ll love books and reading! But if you don’t, my goodness, I’ll read to you every single night so you’ll love Harry Potter, and comic books, and C.S. Lewis, and fairytales and spooky stories. And if you’re not too sleepy, I hope you don’t mind a few pages of history books, which I will read to you in a way it’ll feel like an adventure and a journey to the past.

I wish you’ll love movies and TV shows. I hope you’ll enjoy Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, Regular Show, We Bare Bears, Steven Universe, and Star vs the Forces of Evil. And like other OG classics, and late-night shows that were my favorites. I hope you’ll love Harry Potter, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings marathons on the weekends, and Pixar and Studio Ghibli movie nights on Friday’s. And I hope you’ll enjoy Disney movies as much as I did, kid, because they made me want to have a happily ever after, no matter what happiness means to me.

I pray, hope and wish for a lot of things because of you, Cloud. But I think that no matter what you’ll grow to love, I know you’ll be strong af, you’ll be hella strong. I feel that you’ll command and demand attention, and lead because you can, but listen and serve because you know what it means to be a true leader. You’ll be lazy, but know when to be hardworking. I know you will be kind and you will put others first, but always second to yourself, because you’ll be an arrogant, dragon for sure. I know you’ll love running and I know how much you’ll love dancing, or at least try to, for there’s a 50% chance that you grow up to have two left feet—like me, but don’t ever let that stop you. I know you’ll learn to love commuting, and train rides and bus rides. 

And my goodness, I can only imagine the places we will go. 

There is just so much in store for the both of us. I feel it. I know it.

Cloud, we’re so far away, but yet, I feel so much closer to you now. Everyday I take another step closer to you. Everyday feels so good, where I just know I’ll be able to hold you in my arms. Everyday I feel a new sense of hope, that no matter what bad shit comes along the way, whatever happens to me, I’ll find a way to you. 

I’ll fight for you with everything I’ve got. And when I’m close to giving up, I’ll pull out whatever strength I didn’t know I still had in me and just.

Yeah. 

I’m never giving up on you, Cloud. 

I love you so, so much.

You make me believe even when I cannot see you. I only have to go out, look up, and see—well, clouds, and there you are.

You make me so happy, you have no idea. When I see baby clothes, or new things, I always think, “I think Cloud will love this, I think Cloud might enjoy this.” And I just burst into laughter, or cry, because it’s so ridiculous, the idea of you, but. You make me happy, you really do. And most importantly,

You make me strong, stronger than I am. I’m not as strong as Home, God knows that. I’m limited, I’m weak, I’m powerless at times even when I want to keep fighting. But, Cloud, you have to know, you make me so strong. You make me believe I can do anything and everything for you. You make me feel like I can turn my weaknesses into my weapons. You drown out all the noise, when people talk bad about me, when things go to shit, you just. You give me this strength. It’s so overwhelming how powerful you are. For when I can’t breathe and on the verge of breaking down, or when I’m suffering from a panic attack, or I’m just in tears because I’m so tired—you’re there to help me pick up the pieces and try again.

And so, I thought of you today, just like every single day, but today I thought of who you could be and where else I could take you, my dear.

And to be honest, I haven’t really planned out the last part yet. I mean, I love planning of course, my dearest, darling, you, but.

Like Home said, We plan the first half and then.

We see what happens.

You’ll be the most awaited adventure and the greatest escape and I cannot wait for you.

Love you, anak. Alam mo ‘yan.

Love, always, anytime,

Your mother

☀️⛅️🌦

We'll Carry On

When I found out about My Chemical Romance disbanding, it came as an utter shock.

Once again, it is by my phone that my world view is rocked. And rocked to the core it was.

I received the news through a text message from a close friend and fellow die hard of the band. Unlike her, I was unprepared for what I was about to read.
I was at the hospital because my youngest brother had inguinal hernia (don't google it unless you have an iron stomach) and access to the internet was the least of my concerns. So when I get the 'IT'S FVCKING OVER' text message, I didn't really know what to believe in anymore.

Probably a few weeks ago, I little birdie told me that her connections told her that My Chem was going to have a concert here in the Philippines. So you can only just imagine how I felt that day. I was saving up for a concert, instead, the separation of my favorite band in the entire world happened.

Saturday, I was on a denial high, I just couldn't accept it. The band had been around for twelve years. I barely knew them when their 3rd album came out. So if I do the math right, give or take I had at least seven years investment in the band I recognized as the one that saved my life.

That was their slogan, that was the banner they held high and marched and carried on in their fictional Black Parade. "This band will save your life", from awkward interview answer to personal lifeline. Those were the words that I held on to and gave as an excuse to everyone who looked down on me and my taste in music. After My Chemical Romance? There was no turning back.

This was the band that really got me into music. This is the band that inspired the weirdest themed outfits from me and the ugliest haircuts. This is the band that allowed me to sing out loud and not care about what people would think. This is the band that said, "you are not alone" and made me believe.

While everyone saw death and dark themes, I saw never forgetting that life was precious and you never know what's going to happen to you. Me and everyone else who listened to My Chem's music knew this. Whether they were part of the MCRmy or were just fans of the music, it didn't matter. We understood every chord, every drum beat, every screeching vocal, every line, every song. It was like everyone who was ever misunderstood, who was ever made fun of finally had someone- had something that stood by them and made it feel like someone really, truly believed in them.


I have to stop here before I start bursting into tears at the thought that there will no longer be new music to look forward to. That I will never get to experience listening to a new album straight for the first time, probably ever. That I never got to watch them live in concert and that in my head I always thought, "There's always next time".

There probably is no next time, and no matter how many times I wished they'd pull a Fall Out Boy three years from now and just make the world a better place with a new album and the promise of touring in my country? It's not going to happen just because I want it to.

The band, the members, the family- they all have different lives now compared to when they were trying to make it out there. They all have their wives and their children and their new projects and comics and music of their own to make. I assume that being in a band was holding them back from their new lives and things that were "more" important than the fans.

But it never really is over. And it's not really the end.

I have a piece of the band in me, and so does everyone else who's been a huge fan, or even those who just know one song, or even those who are only in it because of the physical attributes of certain members.

As Gerard Way put out there, "My Chemical Romance is not a band, it's an idea". The very idea that kick started concept albums and these moving, over the top concept music videos. The same idea that started these great comics and artworks. The idea that saved lives and helped other people realize just how beautiful they were in an ugly world. It just goes on and on and on.

And I can spout references and quote songs all day long, but if I learned anything from this band, if they left me with the great secrets of the universe? It would be the following...


1.) YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- this is a fact of life. And whether I feel lonely in a crowded room, or even a stranger to my own family, I know that someone out there is just like me and I know I'm not the only one.

2.) DISENCHANTED WILL MAKE EVERYTHING 1000 TIMES BETTER
- if you don't believe me, try listening to the song before you're about to do something you're afraid of, or if you're about to do something spectacular. Trust me, it's not just the lyrics, it's not just the music. The song is magic and it will help you get through anything. Job interviews, a tournament, a test, LIFE. Tried and tested, I promise.

3.) "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE COOL. SO STOP TRYING"
- these words hit me, and it really struck deep. Gerard probably meant that he didn't have to be anyone but himself, but it can also mean that he really thought that he was uncool. Either way, when you really think about it, even if it's beyond the valley of cliche. This was the truth and you better start believing it. You don't need to try to impress anyone, or to prove anything to people you don't even know. Everyone's awkward in their own right, in their own way. But your insecurities shouldn't bring you down.
You can only ever be yourself, so start believing in yourself and get blown away at how awesome it is to just be you and no one else.


4.) "AND REMEMBER WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MCR SAYS START A FVCKING BAND"
- from crazy guitarist to moving writer, Frank never ceases to amaze me. Take that leap of faith, and just do what makes you happy. Create, inspire, save the world.


I will miss Ray's crazy hair and mad guitar skillz, Frank's ability to do crazy guitar tricks and not break anything, Mikey's 360 degree change from that guy with glasses to the hot Way brother, Bob for being so cool even when he left and the song he wrote that went, "Oh Gerard you make my heart burn", and everyone who was part of the My Chem family. Other musicians + techs + bodyguards + roadie guys + wives and kids and supportive relatives included. I will miss all of them, everyone who had a part in the twelve years of this band, this family.
But most of all, I will miss my idol: that awkward geek to 9/11 survivor to stage diva to comic book artist to guy with Ronald McDonald's hair to husband to dad to Party Poison to the guy who saved my life.

Thank you.

"Aim for savior and end up being rad"

- >:)

Long time no write

Hi.

I don't really know what else to say. I'm just pretty overwhelmed at the moment.

Today, I received an unexpected text message while preparing for a speech for my SPEECOM class. While I was trying to cram an almost two page script, my phone vibrated. I didn't want to be distracted, because I suck at giving speeches, especially in front of a lot of people. I have really bad nerves and a tendency to eat my words wasn't any help. But I whipped out my phone thinking it may be something important, or maybe I actually wanted the distraction.

I will never look at my phone- the bringer of the most random news- the same way ever again.

Still overwhelmed. Still nervous. Still need to calm down.

It's almost March, and for the year 2013 I've missed out on a lot of things. We really can't have everything. But for those things that we do actually get a hold of? Be sure to never let go or die trying.

Too blessed to be stressed.

Since it's been a long time since I've touched feelingsmithy, I've decided to mark the occasion.
Here's my speech from awhile ago. I wasn't able to say everything word for word, but I think I got my message across. A lot of people said my topic was interesting, honestly it was really gross.

Let's see what you think.


~


FALL IN LOVE WITH A ZOMBIE
By: Arielle Sindac

Good afternoon everyone, sir. My name is Arielle Sindac and I’m going to give a speech that will probably weird most of you out, because I will talk about the possibility of falling in love with this.

Yes. A zombie. If you really think about it, about the thought of falling in love with this? A corpse, the undead, if you ask me it’s downright disgusting. Can you just picture all that decaying flesh, or can you even picture going near something that’s already rotting? And not only are they way past their expiration dates, these zombies are also out to eat you. Creepy, right?

But the thing is Zombies are monsters. They’re in the same category as vampires and werewolves, but as far as types of monsters are concerned the two are actually more accepted nowadays.
Sure we’ve got vampires who glitter in the sunlight and werewolves with six pack abs. Let’s not forget that it’s the month of February and I believe that zombies, although scary monsters, deserve some of that monster-loving as well. They deserve the chance to be loved and to fall in love. And who knows, maybe under all that rotting flesh, there might be a heart, a beating heart that beats for you.

Anyway, back to zombies. They’ve actually gone a long way to being a part of pop culture. Hollywood has transformed what used to be witchcraft and voodoo to something that markets the horror genre. It’s scary, there’s this fear factor of being chased by hungry flesh-eating monsters. But recently, fiction has provided people with a new form of entertainment. Not only do zombies scare the pants off of people but they actually make people think about the future. What if the world ends in a zombie apocalypse? What’s going to happen? How will we survive?

This zombie invasion scenario has actually thrilled a lot of people. That maybe having zombies around wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Yeah, you may be fighting for your survival and may be humanity’s last hope. But I think the thought of being able to shoot and kill and use weapons has made the zombie apocalypse more appealing to this generation.

So in the likely chance that the world does end this way, I am here to give you reasons on why you should consider having a zombie as a future life partner. Think about it this way. It’s the end of the world, chances are there are less of you and more of them. If that’s what’s gonna come down, I suggest you start thinking of building a loving relationship with the undead.

Take note, this is for the adventurous, crazy types and not for the faint of hearted and those with weak stomachs.

So why are zombies a catch? Well…

1) You know they’re not after looks. .

-          SO to all those complaining about guys or girls who only pay attention to a person’s physical attractiveness, maybe you can give zombies a shot. For one, you know they don’t pay attention to your physique, but what’s inside. The sad part is, it might be literally.

2)      They have unchanging features

-          Once you die, your body just stops growing. SO if you pick a zombie mate make sure that they died at the right age and at the right moment. You don’t want to have a zombie missing par ts or has a knife coming out of his eye. Pick one with immortalized abs and a barely scared face.

3)      You’ll never have this fear of your love one dying

-          Face it he’s already dead. The undead. So no worries in that department

4)       You have your own personal bodyguard

-          Zombies are not only immortal but possess unnatural strength that matches their unexplained undeadness. So if you want to survive, you’ll need a partner that can smash other zombies and protect you.

5)      Zombies can help relieve your fantasies

-          And I’m not talking about sexy fantasies, I’m talking about romantic fantasies. You’ll want a partner in crime, in love and in life. And sometimes we’re all after those rebellious types and a zombie fits perfectly. Your friends and family might think you’ve lost your mind. And your zombie orientation may be frowned upon by society. It’s all going to be you and him/her against the world, eventually

6)      And lastly, the possibility of a zombie to love you back

If there’s anything I learned from watching and reading Warm Bodies, it’s that we may never know what does go on in a zombie’s mind-or what’s left of it. If they had higher cognitive thinking skills, we will never know because of their lack of speech capabilities. Like I said who knows, right?

So your zombie may smell like he hasn’t showered for years or he may have parts missing- these are things you can overlook. He isn’t Nicolas Hoult and he’s not perfect. No one is. But if you give it a chance maybe, just maybe falling in love with a zombie might even help it change back to being human.

So give the zombie a chance to be your valentine. Who knows, it might be that one thing you were waiting for.

- >:)

I’ll be the one who drives you home tonight

Hi, I haven't seen you in awhile. How have you been?

Me? Oh, I've been feeling like a Hilera song for the past weeks. High fives all around if you get my awesome OPM reference. Not only have I been busy studying to fail my exams, but I've been feeling quite stupid because I'm surrounded by people who are crazy smart, and honestly? I just don't even care anymore. Okay, so maybe I do, but only because I don't want to fail any of my classes. And I just want this term to end. 

I've made a list of things I want to do before the year ends, nothing special or crazy like my Things To Do for 2012 List. Just stuff I want to do by myself or with other people. 

I want to stay up reading and listening to music, buried in my pillows and my blanket fort. I want to walk the streets of Manila until I find a vintage camera I've been looking for. Or a food trip, a Binondo food trip. I want to have a date with my baby brother, and maybe eat fries, drink milk tea with him and read him comics. I want to attend a GRRRL SCOUT MNL Boot Camp, just one before the year ends. I want to feel the sweater weather and wear boots everyday. I also want to get lost now now now.

But sadly, there's still so much to do before the school year officially comes to a close. I still have exams and papers to pass and as always- it's as if I have so little time.

I hope everyone's getting into the Christmas spirit. I know I am, even if I haven't made my annual letter to Santa yet. 

I hope you've also seen Rise of the Guardians already. The movie is so brilliant. I love eveything about it! I love how they designed all the characters, the cinematography, even the music was so gaaaahhh- amazing! And Jack Frost? Jack Frost made my heart burn.... freeze? 

I miss my camera. I've been looking at my old photos from last year, and it's sad that I can't post them here because I've used up all my memory space for pictures or something. Sigh.

I love the new song of My Chem. Okay, so technically it isn't really a new song, it's actually one of the many songs they didn't release. Until now. Conventional Weapons which features 10 unheard songs from the band, and they'll be releasing two songs for the next five months. I think it's really rad that they decided to put it out on vinyl as well and God knows how much I'd want all five LPs. I think it's sad that the first two are already sold out. Does anyone know where I can still order them tho?

Anyways, I think it's cool that they're allowing their fans to get a glimpse of their songs, songs that they never thought they could release in their old albums. Listen to the song Ambulance, which is the A-Side track from Number Two. For me it has the same effect Disenchanted had for me, or maybe even My Way Home Is Through You. But yeah, mostly Disenchanted. It's the song that calmed me down before a test, a song I'd listen to when I feel so down and the song I'd listen to whenever I'm about to embark on uncharted territory and I'd just feel better about being me. I've been listening to it on repeat. A way to clear my head with everything that's been going on with school lately.

I hope you're looking forward to the Christmas vacation as much as I am.

- >:)

BAMF up your Friday

In my previous post I was raving about how excited I was about how my Friday was going to be the best ever. I had fantastic plans. But yeah, sometimes fantastic plans don't always go the way you want them to, no matter how much you try. And try. 

I woke up late. So I wasn't able to bake cupcakes for the BAMF and it also meant that I didn't get to commute to school with the coolest Hamster in the world. The LRT ride was sad and lonely and without the funny I was expecting. Oh well, I know there will be more days to come. I will ride the train with him and have another Sawi Special, but like the morning edition. It's going to be crazy, I can tell. I have to get a decent alarm clock.

So fantastic plans, right? I at least got to have bfast with my homie. It was so early in the morning, still wasn't ready for public viewing. But yeah, he's my homie. I could look like a dude and he wouldn't care less. Bfast was from McDo and even if I weren't trying to increase my vegan powers I know I'd still pick fries. (But my perfect bfast meal from McDo would be: 1-2 Egg McMuffin/s + hashbrown/fries + hot chocolate. I couldn't have the burger because, le duh egg and cheese and ham and maybe even the bread was so not vegan. I really wanted hot chocolate to go with my fries, but I didn't want to risk getting de-veganized. I was reluctant about ordering hot coco because you never know it might just have milk. So fries it was then)

Since Friday was so darn special, or since it turned out to be so darn special I feel like sharing one of my fave spots in school. It's one of around 5 spots where I really go to spend time to ponder on life's mysteries and why I am so weird with my feels and spreading the emo. I also go here when I just need to breathe. But yesterday, I just felt that this was the perfect place to have take out bfast at 8 something in the morning.

Introducing.... maestro, the Hero's Comeback theme please... my secret getaway at Yuchengco!

Welcome all ye brokenhearted and emo

So yeah, this is where me and Diego had bfast. This is also where I mostly spend my time (if I'm far far away from Enrique) if I just need to breathe, when I need a quiet place to think, when I want my emo to fly away like my hair when the wind blows in my direction. 

Yesterday, the sky was just so amazing. I think I fell in love with it. I would propose, but the sky was too far away. Being married to something must involve getting to touch it. Like my bed, I am married to my bed. The sky was still beautiful. Still needs more cumulus clouds tho.

The sky I want to marry

 Bfast for champions ♥

 Arielle junk

 #HIGHFIVEMOFO This is my homie Diego

My daddy's rubber shoes! I heart them so much. It's like they're staring at my soul

So it was me eating fries and cleaning out my bag and trying to be a homie. I was waiting for a triplet's text to tell me where she was. Another reason to why Friday was so fantastic was because I knew that  I was getting my She's Only Sixteen EP. When I was finally contacted you can only imagine how fast I ran from Yuchengco to Medrano. I needed to hear them songs like crazy! It's been a week since missing out on their EP launch which was obviously epic. So yeah. Medrano.

 My fave LaSallian triplet

 Helping her out with Pinoy Henyo 

 And then finally finally finally!

Waited a week for this! Gaaaaaaah! You have no idea just how much of a happy carrot I was when this photo was taken. Seriously seriously seriously was spazzing fangirling all over the place. I even was dancing a little jig while unwrapping this lovely EP. And if you noticed, you'd see that I actually brought a walkman just to be able to listen to their songs right away. I am so old school, but whatever. It is for my ears, I am saving my ears. Too bad it went all fail as soon as I closed the cd player. When the Sena's voice started to sound like a broken record I freaked in and pressed stop. No way in the hey hey was my new baby getting scratched. So I had to put it away and wait patiently until I got home. Also it had a tiny scratch on the case, so I had to put it in my plastic envelope just to prevent more damage and EP harm. Was satisfied that I got to finish listening to Dying To Meet You anyway.

 HAPPIEST CARROT + SHE'S ONLY SIXTEEN EP 

 I am doing the jig here, I am shaking it and going funky waist up while unwrapping my baby

 I always make it a point to read what the band has to say. This is their baby too, they put so much into making this album. The least I could do was read who they had to thank because they were responsible for their success

 'Cause I'm old school, dork level

 Protect le EP

Finally finished this book, borrowed it from my GLD brothaaaa. All I could say was, book > movie

The rest of the time spent at my Yuch spot was left for lying around, Diego teaching me how to dance (I suck at dancing.It is so sad, you would sweat through your eyes if you witnessed it), taking pictures and me wanting to listen to my EP.

 My hot hot pink wallet + current thing that inspires me: this LSP note!

 Diego!junk

 "Let's dance, mofo"

 This is Chad. I don't know which bag Bruce has decided to play hide and seek in. So I am unlucky by turtle proportions

 My view from the floor

Thank you and come again

 Making Diego wait while I wait for the train

The rest of the day spent at school was GG related. It involves lots of practicing and me trying to sound sexy. It's hard to sound sexy, I can only sound like a dork. But whatevs, I have my guts. I can still try try try again. Also had lunch with some of the DJs and DJTs. Guess what I had? I had fries again. The only difference is that I got anorexic fries sprinkled with pepper. Got to smell the best vanilla scent ever, was able to have sips of this really delicious drink (mango and lychee, right?) and got taho for dessert. Then followed by more practicing. And anticipating. And then giving. 

And then leaving. It was time to BAMF up my universe.

Same time, same place. Tayuman station was the place to be at 4:30. It's been a month since I last saw Lou, waiting a few minutes wouldn't hurt. Also I got to practice while waiting. She asked me if I was talking to myself, I said I was practicing. I let her hear a sample and she asked, "Why do you say "Giant" like that?". Hmmmm... I honestly don't know.

The train means so much to me and BAMF because it becomes a test to prove how much we love each other. That we can surpass any obstacles, even if they came in the form of lady arms, shoulder bags that were always in the way, and the ability of the female compartment to defy science. I shizz you not, I have no idea how a lot of people get out of the LRT and only one handful can barely squeeze themselves inside.What, can women expand at an alarming rate of seconds they use to keep the doors open? Women, tch. Defying science since child birth.

The train ride was crazy and filled with Lou actually shushing me for being too hyper. It was no use for I could not contain my excitement for being in her BAMF presence. Also I could not prevent my verbal/kwento vomit. She should've seen it coming, we haven't seen each other in forever and ever. It was at least a month's worth of feels and sob kwentos. Also yeah. She needs to be updated on how weird I am now, especially since I haven't been basking in her sparkle motion.

 Because she is the BAMF Universe, only she can look Sasha Fierce in a an accidental flash picture. I sadly, will always have a derp face. Yeah, it's sad. I know

Excuse our being vain and lame (Vame? Lain?) in front of the train. We wanted really cool pictures inside the train, but the guard kept saying that doors were going to close in on us any second. Psh. I would've given him the finger, but yeah I was with Lou. She was like a parental advisory sticker or my censor beep. She really makes sure that she is a good influence in my already defiant way of life. So yes, this LRT is the only place I can meet up with my BAMF, it is only right that we take pictures with the thing that keeps us together.

Our destination was TriNoma, for fries and purikura. And a clean rest room with like, toiletries. 

Shenanigans ensues. We really need to tame ourselves in public, but the exact opposite happens. Just knowing that we were together and within arms reach was enough to make us tough potatoes and do whatever we wanted. We knew how embarrassing we were, but being side by side to my BAMF just increased my obliviosity and I-Don't-Give-A-Fork attitude I always seem to possess when I am with STC people.

 Le duh. JGL is her husband okay

 Because Jack Frost, Guardians version, is the hottest. Dude, he looks like a Black Parade!Gerard Way. It's the hair, platinum blonde is sexy on dudes who can rock it

We have a pre-dinner meal after getting a purikura. Wanna know what I ate? I'll give you a clue: I've been eating it since 8 in the morning. I had fries again.I was full of fries last Friday. If I wasn't vegan then I would partner the fries in my belly with a grande burrito. But since I had vegan powers, I will make my belly happy one day by being full with burritos and fries. I also had fried bananas I purposely didn't eat. Fried bananas were like fries in a way.... ish. Just say yes.

Lou has an awesome way of eating her burgers. She puts fries and loads of ketchup in between le patty and the burger bun. She ordered curly fries today, don't really know the difference it makes with the burger. But it did look like a beautiful mess with the cheese and the patty, it looked like someone stabbed the burger. Or because the burger fell out of love or something that it's heart yanked itself from it's cold dead bod, scattering ketchup blood everywhere. The curly fries would be the intestines and guts trying to spill out from where the heart escaped.

I am so weird.

 How to eat burgers BAMF style

I also owed her like cupcakes, unfortunately like I said I wasn't able to bake. So to lessen her bitterness towards my being cupcake-less I tied to make it up to her by presenting her with pastel. They were so good they worked their magic into her tummy. I couldn't help but do a mental fust pump for knowing she loved it's yema goodness. She was trying to eat as slowly as possible, I could only bring her two and not a whole box. The Sindacs loved their food too much, and they lobed their Pastel. 

 Pastel and it's yema goodness

Pastel? BAMF approved

 RAWR! I'm a vampire!

As much as I wanted to stay longer, sadly our time together had to be cut short. I was needed by a sick bb bro and it sort of broke my heart when I was asked to go home. Ahhh, all good things do come to an end.

It was great to see here after so long, it only comes to show that a great best friendship really isn't measured by how much time you spend together. I really, really missed her and I ending my Friday even if it was just for a few hours made my day.

More Fridays, please?

 I declare Friday, officially BAMF-ED!

- >:)