dear cloud: 18

Hi baby,

I thought of you today, about the person you could grow up to be.

And I got excited and teary eyed, ‘cause I know you’ll be a handful and you’ll be a crazee kid just like me. But for sure, you’ll be hella smart—and I just know it, because. Well, you’ll be smart, but for sure you won’t get that from me. 

But whoever you become, whatever you’re meant to be, I really hope and pray that you’ll love everything and anything—just like your mommy.

I pray you’ll love music, especially OPM. And maybe you’ll like My Chemical Romance, and even Mayday Parade, and you’ll fall in love with my favorite songs from the Eraserheads.

I hope you’ll love books and reading! But if you don’t, my goodness, I’ll read to you every single night so you’ll love Harry Potter, and comic books, and C.S. Lewis, and fairytales and spooky stories. And if you’re not too sleepy, I hope you don’t mind a few pages of history books, which I will read to you in a way it’ll feel like an adventure and a journey to the past.

I wish you’ll love movies and TV shows. I hope you’ll enjoy Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, Regular Show, We Bare Bears, Steven Universe, and Star vs the Forces of Evil. And like other OG classics, and late-night shows that were my favorites. I hope you’ll love Harry Potter, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings marathons on the weekends, and Pixar and Studio Ghibli movie nights on Friday’s. And I hope you’ll enjoy Disney movies as much as I did, kid, because they made me want to have a happily ever after, no matter what happiness means to me.

I pray, hope and wish for a lot of things because of you, Cloud. But I think that no matter what you’ll grow to love, I know you’ll be strong af, you’ll be hella strong. I feel that you’ll command and demand attention, and lead because you can, but listen and serve because you know what it means to be a true leader. You’ll be lazy, but know when to be hardworking. I know you will be kind and you will put others first, but always second to yourself, because you’ll be an arrogant, dragon for sure. I know you’ll love running and I know how much you’ll love dancing, or at least try to, for there’s a 50% chance that you grow up to have two left feet—like me, but don’t ever let that stop you. I know you’ll learn to love commuting, and train rides and bus rides. 

And my goodness, I can only imagine the places we will go. 

There is just so much in store for the both of us. I feel it. I know it.

Cloud, we’re so far away, but yet, I feel so much closer to you now. Everyday I take another step closer to you. Everyday feels so good, where I just know I’ll be able to hold you in my arms. Everyday I feel a new sense of hope, that no matter what bad shit comes along the way, whatever happens to me, I’ll find a way to you. 

I’ll fight for you with everything I’ve got. And when I’m close to giving up, I’ll pull out whatever strength I didn’t know I still had in me and just.

Yeah. 

I’m never giving up on you, Cloud. 

I love you so, so much.

You make me believe even when I cannot see you. I only have to go out, look up, and see—well, clouds, and there you are.

You make me so happy, you have no idea. When I see baby clothes, or new things, I always think, “I think Cloud will love this, I think Cloud might enjoy this.” And I just burst into laughter, or cry, because it’s so ridiculous, the idea of you, but. You make me happy, you really do. And most importantly,

You make me strong, stronger than I am. I’m not as strong as Home, God knows that. I’m limited, I’m weak, I’m powerless at times even when I want to keep fighting. But, Cloud, you have to know, you make me so strong. You make me believe I can do anything and everything for you. You make me feel like I can turn my weaknesses into my weapons. You drown out all the noise, when people talk bad about me, when things go to shit, you just. You give me this strength. It’s so overwhelming how powerful you are. For when I can’t breathe and on the verge of breaking down, or when I’m suffering from a panic attack, or I’m just in tears because I’m so tired—you’re there to help me pick up the pieces and try again.

And so, I thought of you today, just like every single day, but today I thought of who you could be and where else I could take you, my dear.

And to be honest, I haven’t really planned out the last part yet. I mean, I love planning of course, my dearest, darling, you, but.

Like Home said, We plan the first half and then.

We see what happens.

You’ll be the most awaited adventure and the greatest escape and I cannot wait for you.

Love you, anak. Alam mo ‘yan.

Love, always, anytime,

Your mother

☀️⛅️🌦