We'll Carry On

When I found out about My Chemical Romance disbanding, it came as an utter shock.

Once again, it is by my phone that my world view is rocked. And rocked to the core it was.

I received the news through a text message from a close friend and fellow die hard of the band. Unlike her, I was unprepared for what I was about to read.
I was at the hospital because my youngest brother had inguinal hernia (don't google it unless you have an iron stomach) and access to the internet was the least of my concerns. So when I get the 'IT'S FVCKING OVER' text message, I didn't really know what to believe in anymore.

Probably a few weeks ago, I little birdie told me that her connections told her that My Chem was going to have a concert here in the Philippines. So you can only just imagine how I felt that day. I was saving up for a concert, instead, the separation of my favorite band in the entire world happened.

Saturday, I was on a denial high, I just couldn't accept it. The band had been around for twelve years. I barely knew them when their 3rd album came out. So if I do the math right, give or take I had at least seven years investment in the band I recognized as the one that saved my life.

That was their slogan, that was the banner they held high and marched and carried on in their fictional Black Parade. "This band will save your life", from awkward interview answer to personal lifeline. Those were the words that I held on to and gave as an excuse to everyone who looked down on me and my taste in music. After My Chemical Romance? There was no turning back.

This was the band that really got me into music. This is the band that inspired the weirdest themed outfits from me and the ugliest haircuts. This is the band that allowed me to sing out loud and not care about what people would think. This is the band that said, "you are not alone" and made me believe.

While everyone saw death and dark themes, I saw never forgetting that life was precious and you never know what's going to happen to you. Me and everyone else who listened to My Chem's music knew this. Whether they were part of the MCRmy or were just fans of the music, it didn't matter. We understood every chord, every drum beat, every screeching vocal, every line, every song. It was like everyone who was ever misunderstood, who was ever made fun of finally had someone- had something that stood by them and made it feel like someone really, truly believed in them.


I have to stop here before I start bursting into tears at the thought that there will no longer be new music to look forward to. That I will never get to experience listening to a new album straight for the first time, probably ever. That I never got to watch them live in concert and that in my head I always thought, "There's always next time".

There probably is no next time, and no matter how many times I wished they'd pull a Fall Out Boy three years from now and just make the world a better place with a new album and the promise of touring in my country? It's not going to happen just because I want it to.

The band, the members, the family- they all have different lives now compared to when they were trying to make it out there. They all have their wives and their children and their new projects and comics and music of their own to make. I assume that being in a band was holding them back from their new lives and things that were "more" important than the fans.

But it never really is over. And it's not really the end.

I have a piece of the band in me, and so does everyone else who's been a huge fan, or even those who just know one song, or even those who are only in it because of the physical attributes of certain members.

As Gerard Way put out there, "My Chemical Romance is not a band, it's an idea". The very idea that kick started concept albums and these moving, over the top concept music videos. The same idea that started these great comics and artworks. The idea that saved lives and helped other people realize just how beautiful they were in an ugly world. It just goes on and on and on.

And I can spout references and quote songs all day long, but if I learned anything from this band, if they left me with the great secrets of the universe? It would be the following...


1.) YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- this is a fact of life. And whether I feel lonely in a crowded room, or even a stranger to my own family, I know that someone out there is just like me and I know I'm not the only one.

2.) DISENCHANTED WILL MAKE EVERYTHING 1000 TIMES BETTER
- if you don't believe me, try listening to the song before you're about to do something you're afraid of, or if you're about to do something spectacular. Trust me, it's not just the lyrics, it's not just the music. The song is magic and it will help you get through anything. Job interviews, a tournament, a test, LIFE. Tried and tested, I promise.

3.) "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE COOL. SO STOP TRYING"
- these words hit me, and it really struck deep. Gerard probably meant that he didn't have to be anyone but himself, but it can also mean that he really thought that he was uncool. Either way, when you really think about it, even if it's beyond the valley of cliche. This was the truth and you better start believing it. You don't need to try to impress anyone, or to prove anything to people you don't even know. Everyone's awkward in their own right, in their own way. But your insecurities shouldn't bring you down.
You can only ever be yourself, so start believing in yourself and get blown away at how awesome it is to just be you and no one else.


4.) "AND REMEMBER WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MCR SAYS START A FVCKING BAND"
- from crazy guitarist to moving writer, Frank never ceases to amaze me. Take that leap of faith, and just do what makes you happy. Create, inspire, save the world.


I will miss Ray's crazy hair and mad guitar skillz, Frank's ability to do crazy guitar tricks and not break anything, Mikey's 360 degree change from that guy with glasses to the hot Way brother, Bob for being so cool even when he left and the song he wrote that went, "Oh Gerard you make my heart burn", and everyone who was part of the My Chem family. Other musicians + techs + bodyguards + roadie guys + wives and kids and supportive relatives included. I will miss all of them, everyone who had a part in the twelve years of this band, this family.
But most of all, I will miss my idol: that awkward geek to 9/11 survivor to stage diva to comic book artist to guy with Ronald McDonald's hair to husband to dad to Party Poison to the guy who saved my life.

Thank you.

"Aim for savior and end up being rad"

- >:)

Soupy

School shizz + trying to cram a lifetime of psychology knowledge + masterbaking + waking up + going  home late late + laundry + multi-tasking + looking for new music = the slow death of one Arielle Sindac.

It's amazing that I'm still standing and haven't keeled over from all the stress overload. Also I am amazed that I haven't started packing my runaway from home bag from all the exams I've been failing. I seriously don't know how le smart people do it? Like for someone in a slightly above average IQ it takes a lot of study crazy effort just for me to actually cram stuff inside my brain. And then when the actual test comes my brain just dies from trying to recall all that information. So yeah, I've been failing exams for my major subjects. It's that bad.

I remember back in grade school when I resigned myself to the fact that I will always get line of 7 grades. It's the thought that hey, I'll never get to be smart, I'll never get passing grades for my parents' standards no matter how hard I try. I got content with just seeing my almost passing grades. That "failing" wasn't bad at all. But the thing is- the sad thing is- that was almost 10 years ago. It was a very, very long time ago.

Aaaaand it doesn't help that I'm in college. And I'm sucking in a bad way.

I'm too busy to a point that I can't even vent out in my personal space of the internet. S darn busy that I don't even have the patience to upload pictures for memory's sake. I'm just too blegh all the time. And so very tired. The only thing that gets me going is the thought that I still have to step it up when it comes to my school work and that it's almost Christmas vacation. Meaning it's almost Christmas. Le duh.

Also this afternoon I got a sad slap to the face by reality. It hurt so baaaad.

It was all because I was flicking through channels when me and a couple of friends were watching awhile ago. And I apparently I was the only one who still watched "stupid" cartoons. It just so happened that The Amazing World of Gumball was on CN and I was all, "Yeaaahhh!" and they were all, "Oh my god you still watch this show? How old are you?" What made it even more sad was that they didn't even understand how to "watch" the show. They were asking questions like all the time, and most of the time I was thinking that they were indirectly making me fun of me. But whatevs, man. Sheesh. You just watch and like laugh at the parts that were funny (which meant the whole time) and not have to get anything.

You just watch. But they didn't get it. So I had to change the channel. 

Because I was a ninja and ninjas put other people's happiness first.

- >:)

p.s.

I'm sorry for being soupy all the time. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are not-stupid but don't know how to laugh at the simple- kid things.

a drama llama in two parts

11:30 AM

I masterbaked this morning and just got back from delivering fifty cupcakes. I am now watching The Phantom Menace with the macho-est dude ever and freaking in because Obi-Wan looks so adorbz (I've been in love with his braid thing since childhood. That braid made me a woman). I don't think we'll be able to finish this. It's like I can't seem to finish things I want to really do these days. Also I am doing chores. As you can see I am on a multi-tasking frenzy. Being a ninja is amazing.

Will be leaving in a bit. It's still in a few hours, but I'm going to watch my brother dance with Indak for the Skechers Streetdance Battle Eliminations at Mall of Asia. I am such a stage sister but I swear to Gerard! My siblings are all amazing and fantastic dancers and I have none of that crazy dancing gene in me. I am such a dork when I try to dance. Try being the operative verb. I'd rather cheer for them like a crazy fangirl than breakdance. Might end up breaking something else. Like my neck. Or my pride.

Also will be fetching my parents from the airport later this evening. Me and my siblings have been home alone since Monday. It's weird. Was so used to not having a dad around for years and not having a mom around for three months. I think we handled it well better than expected. No house parties, no accidents- because we of the Sindacs have an uncool gene. Just me going home late and lola freaking out that I might be somewhere I shouldn't. Hmmm, I wonder what caused such a reaction...

Cajo is being a douchebag. I am the worst sister ever. I can only communicate with babies. Because babies and tiny children love me. When they become teenagers they become... an evil version of me. Me when I'm in a very, very bad mood. Or when someone calls me a "bully" and when I refuse to talk to him or acknowledge his existence.

Oh I am cruel.

~

11:30 PM

I wore my Boy Scouts polo today :> It looks real awesome. Also, I got to eat fries! Macho dudes are the best. Not only did he drive me to wherevs today, he also let me sleep throughout the whole drive to MOA. Man, the traffic was insane and I was sleeping like a baby. He was all, "Sa sobrang bagal parang dinuduyan ka narin ng kotse". It's when I have dudes like this around when I feel like a princess.

So Indak made it to eliminations. Le duh, it was obvious that they'd get in. What was surprising was that they got the highest score, beating Hataw and Airforce. I'm just really proud of my bro, and I have to give it to him. He was dead front and center throughout their routine and he got a lot of main stunts. It's such a big huge improvement to his performance from last year. Ahhh, it's great to be a stage sister. I think I need to make a new TEAM CYRIL shirt. My shirt from last year said, "I'm his sister. I have his number" printed on the back. I'm also a very embarrassing sister >:)

Got a lot of souvenirs from mom and dad's trip. I heart the boomerang I got and there's a kangaroo plushie that has adopted a koala. Have no idea how that happened. Will start using this really cool bag that has this ethnic design. It's so huge and colorful. I think it's going to replace my storm trooper canvas bag... oh heck to the no. Must look for that canvas bag, it needs moar Arielle loving. Also I have an XXL shirt, thank you dad for I heart over sized stuff. My favorite pasalubong was the lightsaber Ced got! It's blue and baby sized. It made me really jelly. Wish I was nine years old and suddenly falling in love with everything related to the force.

Tomorrow I have to clean my room.... One does not simply walk into Mordor, and that is how my side of the room has started to look like. I am swimming in clothes and bags. And mangas.

I have tried to clean. But I have no idea how there can be mangas under my bed, on my chair and on top of le desk. My bed is no longer a bed, for I cannot sleep in it. I tried. I have also bought sweaters for the sweater weather. And I have suddenly acquired a love for silk shirts with these crazy designs. My brain is all over the place.

Oh, how I'd give my left lung to be able to draw like a pro and take out my tear ducts and donate it to people who wouldn't abuse it so. I miss...

...you. Who are you, really?


- >:)