Boom!

This is it, the post you've been waiting for. Maestro, drum roll please. Or insert horror film music here.

You who have stumbled here are about to read my confession of epic and embarrassing proportions to the person I have fallen in like with! 

Feel free to continue reading or to click the exit button if you don't want to scar your eyes with so much cheesy and sad girly feels. Just so you know, I am only doing this because I dared myself to waaaay before and didn't even remember what the heck I was thinking then. And since I did get in? Well, let's just say I don't break my royal promises.

But I did find a loophole to all this, just to spare myself of having to actually die out of sheer humiliation- it's bad enough that this is public and on the internet. I did say that, "I WILL TELL MY CRUSH THAT I THINK HE IS AMAZEBALLS AND I HEART HIM 'CAUSE HE MAKES ME LAUGH LIKE AN IDIOT", but the thing is, I don't have to say it to him directly, he can find out himself. So I'm going to drop this huge ass emo drama bomb, but he has to be the one to figure out that it just landed on his head. And if my being in like was sort of obvious and he can see that it was actually directed to him? I'm screwed. And I can live beyond the valley of stupid and reside in the hills of fail. I shudder just thinking about it..

So here goes. If ever you're reading this. This one's for you.

I think you are amazeballs and I heart you 'cause you make me laugh like an idiot. 

Okay I'm done! So glad I got that out of my chest. 

I kid, I kid. That was lame. Here's the real confession. And my guts.

Ehem. Here's round two. Drama boooooomb.

~

The thing is I really am in like with you. 

I don't know, man. My heart gut went all weird the first time I saw you. I was all, okay what up with that? You just seemed so cool and I assumed you were, but then yeah. Complete opposite apparently.

I mean, I'm a dude that's part girl, crushes happen all the time, right? They come and go and you get more crushes. You weren't any different. And these are girl feels, they'll eventually go away. But noooo, you had to be all up in my face and make my heart burn.

Then add that up to how life always has a way of messing with me and making things more "interesting". How life, being unfair and evil, just dumps me in awkward situations and then puts you in the equation. These don't usually go well: my heart + my feels + you (oh, god) + super random shizz + late night convos + assumptions = Arielle having girl problems. And how was I supposed to know we'd end up real close? And how was I supposed to know that you were going to be oh so random and make me laugh like an idiot every minute? Sheesh.

And so I fell in like. 

I'd feel so :I during days I don't see you, and then feel like this :> during days I do. Being able to end the day with you would be a highlight to my boring everyday rituals, something I actually looked forward to. I could do happy dances (in my head) when "something" would happen. I'd be all kilig and look stupid with all the smiling going on. It was like boom! you just made someone macho feel pretty. 

But as much as you make me super happy and feel like an actual girl, you also make me feel confused and make things complicated, even without meaning to. There were times when I'd feel like poop, because I don't know what it was that I was doing wrong that offended you or made you annoyed at me. Or when you stopped talking to me and I'd be all, Whuuuuut, seriously bro? It always sucks when you feel like you really don't matter to someone, but it's mostly my fault. I always assume right away and end up ruining things that shouldn't be tinkered with in the first place. So yeah.

I'm a mess, you're a mess and I used to think we can clean each other up. But I don't have to actually be with you be with you for me to be happy and whatevs. I am totally fine just having a platonic relationship with you and still go on like everything's normal as if I don't have the bad case of the like for you. I can totally do that. I swear to Gerard. I really like whatever it is that we have right now and I'd rather have that than something more, and make things more awkward. It sucks that I may never tell you in person, because the girl in me sorts of want to tell you. But I don't want you to feel obliged to say something, and I also don't want you to say, "Dude, that's not cool. We're just friends, don't be weird." to my face. That's like committing suicide, minus the blade and jumping off. I might just straight up cry, and that is not manly. At all.

So yeah, I liked you first and I still do. And I don't want you to forget me, I guess.

Also, I am such a ninja!

- >:)

p.s. Which reminds me, I don't think I've ever hugged you! =)) Fail pail forevs

Kampai

Since most of my friends were turning eighteen this year, I braced myself for debuts of close friends I'd have to attend. Besides the never-ending supply of food as something to look forward to, I like the idea that you get to spend time with your old friends because of the occasion. Like it's the only time you ever get to see your high school friends is when you guys attend the same debut.

And just when I thought the invites would start dying down during the middle of the year, I get invited to a Japanese themed one. I thought it was a really cool theme, and the invites were a passport and a plane ticket. Where you can dress up in Japanese costumes or cosplay if they wanted to. Also instead of the usual 18 candles, it was 18 lanterns; 18 shots became 18 kampai and 18 flowers became 18 cherry blossoms. Also, what is a Japanese themed debut without Japanese food?

One ticket to the coolest debut yet:> I'm going to Japaaaaaan!

Despite being excited over this, I never really got the chance to think of what I'd wear. I had a yukata stashed somewhere in my closet and my old cosplay costumes from my "Anime Addict" phase in high school (before I turned emo and worshiped Gerard Way). It was funny tho, when I got to pull some of it from my Mordor of a closet. The yukata looked like a curtain, the maid costume was inappropriate for the occasion, and my costume from when I cosplayed Kuno from Ranma 1/2 was well, a dude's costume. Also, going as a Japanese school girl only seemed cool if you had a sword to go with it.

But hope was not lost. I ended up mixing the obi from my yukata with the the shirt part of my Kuno costume, then I paired that with a mini skirt and heels. I became a hybrid Japanese wannabe. Thank Gerard I actually pulled it off.

I was one of the first to arrive and I was freaking in about being the only one who dressed up. Little did I know that 1/3 of the Barcelonas was going to make a grand entrance by dressing up in a kimono. And there were cosplayers! I was so starstruck because they looked so fantastic, and their wigs made me all jelly with envy. So I had my picture taken with them.

 The lonely table 25

 Kara saved me! She helped me tie my obi and rocked the coolest kimono ever 

 The super awesome people who went in cosplay :> So amaaaaazing

 This kid is so fantastic! Such an awesome start to her cosplay career

 Batchmates from the other table

 Aaaand someone went school girl. I still wish she carried around a sword or a bazooka

Cara looked fantastic, she wore a full kimono! Amaaaazeballs.

 I looks so ngeahhh, compared to her. Was so jelly of her pink hair!

 Me and my beffie # 5! The last time I saw her was when I visited Ateneo. I miss her so muuuuch:(

 Kara + Cara

 Girly and such a cutie as always ♥

 So freaking in here, they look so fantastic

 Beffie # 5 looking so happy, despite the recent change in her life. I admire her and heart her so much more, because she is so strong and brave. There is so much feels from her kwento.

 The debutante! She looked like a princess :>

The debutante looked amazing! She won best dressed by default if you asked me, because she really looked like a princess. One of my closest high school friends, also one of the very few that hasn't given up her love for Japanese culture and continues being an "Anime Addict"-unlike the rest of us who toned it down a notch. I was also part of her 18 Kampai and I got kind of emotional when I gave her my speech.

I talked about how we've been classmates since grade 5, and that we've been eating lunch together all the way to our last lunch as seniors. I also mentioned how she and some of my other friends back in grade 6 chased after me and how she did something I will always be grateful for. Obviously, I couldn't tell the whole story, it was her night after all. But I will never forget what she did for me.

I was twelve and stupid, and I had a weird phase going on that involved cutting up my left arm whenever someone was annoyed, or mad, or even just rumored to not like me at all. I'd slice a line, a sort of mark for every person, and by that time my whole arm was already filled with gashes and scars. It was messed up and that day I ran from them. They chased me all the way from our classroom to another building's bathroom. I can still remember that it was her who grabbed the scissors from me. That day, I knew that if there was anyone who would stand by me and be there for me- she was one of them. And that's what I said to her awhile ago. That just as she did the same for me, I would never stop supporting her and always be there for her no matter what. I think I sweated a bit from my eyes, she sort of did too.

(Got me thinking tho. I don't know what up with me always having to go through something bad just so that I can see how much people love and care about me. Gaaahhh, so messed up.)

But I really had fun last night. I piled my plate high with yakimeshi, sashimi, tempura and lechon. Got to make kwento and listen to heart gut-wrenching kwento from beffie # 5 (so sad. Why do people have to break up? They were staying strong for almost three years. Tragic), who I miss so much and need to visit Katipunan for. Also went crazy getting our pictures taken at the photobooth. I think I hoarded most of the pictures >:)

 That is Karina's fork, trying to steal my sashimi!

 Blueberry cheesecake I shared with beffie #5

 Panda!Arielle and Stitch!Cara

 I missed Cara. She deserves hugs and all the loving she can get. Heart guts died last night because of her kwento:( I still cannot believe what happened...

Happy Birthday Fatima! ♥

~

Another event me and my high school friends were looking forward to is the Halloween party over at one of my friend's place. We've been planning and if I remember correctly the event on facebook was set up since May. We're that psyched for the 31st.

My original costume was supposed to be a unicorn. I was ready to order the unicorn head I saw on fredflare, until it was too huge to actually bring home. Plan B was that I go as Marceline the Vampire Queen- been growing my hair out for this, and our host is going as PB. But we aren't just going as Adventure Time characters or whoever it is we want to be for the night- we're going as SIMS! We all decided that we'd have that green diamond floating over our heads. And just recently, our host posted a picture of naked Sims... still wonder who's crazy enough to go dress up in a box with a pixilated design come Halloween.


- >:)

p.s.
Definitely posting the ultimate confession soon.

drama llama

Ever tried smiling so hard that your face hurts?

Same rule applies when you laugh so hard too, or if you're grinning like an idiot, or looking like an idiot by being so kilig..... Huh. Yeah so anyway, my face hurting was just because I was so very happy two nights ago. I know, such a late post. Was supposed to blog about it, but last night I was so busy doing needle work! My fingers have band aids and it's not even my fave ones, can't believe I ran out of the purple ones with stars on them. Sad, sad fingers.

~

So a few weeks ago I posted this blog entry entitled LIKE ME, and other entries mentioning about the life changing decision I made by auditioning to become a DJ for Green Giant FM. I've always been into radio and becoming a DJ was like a secret ambition I had. I actually pulled a Gerard Way and just did it- I signed up, made it to my interview, got interviewed. 'Cause I can just die tomorrow and I never want to spend my whole life regretting not ever being able to live out my dreams.

Getting in the hunt was another thing. Being one out of thirty unique and oh so talented individuals- I really had to step it up if I wanted to at least be remembered. I've been a decent finalist during the six weeks of DJ Hunt 2012, I guess I did kind of stand out when I used "I ROCK HARD LIKE THE BATONG MATIGAS, WHUUUT" as my signature statement or when I got my face painted ala Bowie as my identifier. I've never been very approachable, but I had to get out of my comfort zone. I mean, this is the radio, it really isn't about me, but what I can do with what I have. And did I mention the other finalists? They were just so brilliant and amazing and funny! And I was so uncool in comparison to how fantastic they all were and I feel really honored that I got close to a lot of finalists. So it was hard at first, but I did get to make new friends- which was a huge accomplishment for someone who's very socially awkward. I now have GLD siblings, a babe, a homie, three asians, and TNBT, and yes, I have categories for people I heart so much.

Two nights ago, they finally announced the winners of the hunt. I really didn't expect anything, I didn't assume that I'd be one of the finalists they'd pick. Besides having really low self-esteem, I think if anyone deserves to get in, they should be all the finalists I got close to. No bias at all, they're just that fantastic. And amaaaaazing. And all the positive attributes a person can have, with extra funny and spontaneous on the side.

Unlike some of the finalists who were really brave, I chose to hear the announcement from my bedroom. I'd rather hear that I didn't win in the confines of my personal space than where everyone can see me weep like a girl. I know I said I wasn't expecting to win, but that doesn't mean I won't feel bad about it. Of course you'd still get upset if you don't get in something you put so much time and effort into. Who doesn't? But I texted the closest people I knew were gonna win, I mean the ones I was that close to 'cause I had their numbers, wishing them the best 'cause I knew there were gonna get in anyway.

To cut the story short, I got in. I am now officially a member of GGFM, where my status of being a finalist just got promoted to DJT! =))

Funny tho how I learned that I got in. I wasn't able to hear my name on air, just like what happened when they announced the finalists last time. I was actually downstairs eating when they announced that I , Finalist Arielle, actually survived the hunt. I had missed calls and finally got to answer my phone. Everyone was just screaming, CONGRATULATIONS, and I was all, Say whuuuut? And they were all, YOU GOT IN!! and then I go, .... I DIDN'T HEAR MY NAME, YOU GUYS! I WAS EATING!

I am such a carrot.

Also I can now order a hoodie. Aaaand spend moolah.

- >:)

p.s.
Don't know how I'm supposed to confess my like to my crush=)) Why did I dare myself? Why past!Arielle? Whhhhhy?

My face hurts

I am a happy carrot and this happy carrot is on a happiness high.

Maybe because I'm so used to frowning and looking emo that my face hurts so much from all the smiling. It really does hurt. My facial muscles are straining, but I can't help it! I've been so overwhelmed and happy since last night and will write about that in a separate post. For now, I just want to talk about how I ninja flew my way to Tayuman station to meet up with the BAMF Universe!

She is the baddest bad bad chick of my life and if I do the math right I haven't seen her for one entire month! I do not know how I survived not hearing from her, or texting her my woes 24/7, or giving her hugs and allowing her to pinch my cheeks so hard I looked like a tomato.

After my 2:30 class today I seriously ran all the way to the LRT station, I didn't want to waste time that I could spend with her. Usually our impromptu meetings at Tayuman station would fall on a Thursday aaaand I would also have a bout of fail before meeting her. Thankfully, I did not trip on the stairs of Vito Cruz station. Lost count of how many Thursdays that's happened to me.

So yeah. One month of not seeing her? I couldn't help but hug her. I think we were hugging for more than 3 minutes (I told her it was possible we made a record of 5? She thinks 2 minutes), and whatevs to the people giving us weird looks. This was my beffie #7.5. 7. I'm not even sure.

 My fave show-your-teeth pose>:) Also heeeey Louuu

I haven't seen my BAMF in forever and ever that her hair's all long now. I seriously was a girl today, I can't believe I cried in Tayuman station. I missed her and I just love how we can not talk and see each other for forever, but we can still act as random and crazy as we always do. She has been my rock during the darkest times of my life, whether it was about what's-his-face or if there wasn't any food at home.

And I had so much to tell her, a month's worth of kwento.

I did try to keep her updated with how I was at school, hanging out with different people, about me crying the other day about my H3O bros, but mostly I just couldn't help but rant about how my like like for a crush was driving me insane. Half the time she was saying, What??, because of how fast I was talking and the other half she was trying to remember all the names I kept  mentioning.

But yeah, she's seen me go through this stage of liking someone, so as she said before: "Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, girl" and then feels me up and says, "Why do you have boobs?" Seriously.

 So I took this picture with my yaya phone, 'cause hello? It's a train with no passengers! It's a sign! 

Remember what I said about Lou pinching my cheeks to a tomato? That's 'cause I made her a BEST FRIEND AWARD KIT, complete with a Pinch Her Cheeks! card perfect for Lou's cheek pinching fetish. She was entitled to unlimited pinching rights, and she always carries this around. I shizz you not. My frosh id picture scars me and guess what? The expiration of this lovely card? NEVER!

So after Lou's comment on my non-existent boobs becoming existent, we just stayed at Tayuman station talking about the daily shizz that has been going down. The guard kept looking at us and I think he looked really worried when I started to sit down at the station. It was when Lou went looking for a bench because she is a girl and she was wearing a skirt, that we finally realized that Roosevelt station had a bench where we can sit and be girls. And talk and talk and talk. Well, mostly me anyway.

So yes, we spent almost an hour sitting on a bench at Roosevelt station. We weren't only talking, at some point we exchanged planners and journals and started doodling. I being a master multi-tasker could tell her my woes and at the same time draw a version of her on her journal. She did the same, but she's a better artist than I am. And since she was that awesome she drew Jake on my planner:> Gaaahhh, heart the drawing so much.

 By the time I was almost, ALMOST done wrapping up my kwento, of how this like like was going to be the death of me and how I was such a carrot- it was already 5 PM. We have been together for 2 hours and something something minutes. And because Lou is my BAMF Universe, she fed me. With fries. FRIES. I almost cried.

My BAMF Universe! She rocks my world and keeps me sane

Because I am a vampire >:)

So we chow down at Mcdo and I steal most of her fries. And yes, I do get to finish my kwento. I think the fries were a reward. Again, she can do nothing but tell me to not wear my heart on my sleeve and that I have to act more like a dude when it comes to being in like with someone. Best advice. Ever.

Lou is a person I can totally be myself with, I mean who else can handle the whole Arielle Sindac package but the BAMF Universe herself? We can do the most spontaneous, craziest shizz and just pump our middle fingers up in the air (we have pictures) and don't give a funion about what people think. We just maxed out on our Do Something Crazy quota for the day: she feels me up in public and I get my picture taken in one of the kiddie rides in Walter Mart. 

What am I doing with my life?

 Did you see the fail? That flesh colored thing is my knee jutting out of the kid!car. I am so huge and have no dignity at all.  Look at how that mom, that is a mom, in the back look at me with so much hate for taking away her baby's car.

 Lou: Are you happy now? Me: Yes... *thumbs up*

So we eventually had to part ways, because life happens. I was just really happy that I got to see her, and that I would definitely get to spend one whole day with her soon. I miss her already.

~

When I got home I just felt the urge to roller blade around the village, so I ask Ced to accompany me. I never get to roller blade anymore, what with me being lazy all the time. Sad, sad life I lead. Must spend more time enjoying the little things.

 Ced has taken an interest to photography, and as a kid he's pretty good- even better than me sometimes. Here are shots he took of me jumping with skates. He's practicing how to take jump shots.

 Ninja fly!

Thank you Carl for my nails. I know you are gaying over how mint green is so fab;) Also drawings I made on my hand to explain shizz to Lou awhile ago, 'cause she doesn't use her facebook because she is too awesome for it.

My sort of dinner. Burritos are magical forevaaaaahhh

So my face still hurts. One, because of last night, two, because of the BAMF Universe and three, this beautiful burrito that was waiting for me patiently in the refrigerator. Made my day.

I'm just going to be a girl now and have a series marathon. I am too much dude that I'm not cut out for this girl crap. I can only blame the bad case of the like.

- >:)


p.s.

I don't sleep so I'll probably post the next entry in a few hours, it's gonna be about last night :>