11:59 PM

I wish you said:

I'M PROUD OF YOU

, instead of:

NO. TELL THEM, THANK YOU, BUT I WILL NOT BE A PART OF IT BECAUSE MY PARENTS SAID SO.

Thank you for the 18 years of my life. You're the best.

My heart gut.

- :(

Long time no write

Hi.

I don't really know what else to say. I'm just pretty overwhelmed at the moment.

Today, I received an unexpected text message while preparing for a speech for my SPEECOM class. While I was trying to cram an almost two page script, my phone vibrated. I didn't want to be distracted, because I suck at giving speeches, especially in front of a lot of people. I have really bad nerves and a tendency to eat my words wasn't any help. But I whipped out my phone thinking it may be something important, or maybe I actually wanted the distraction.

I will never look at my phone- the bringer of the most random news- the same way ever again.

Still overwhelmed. Still nervous. Still need to calm down.

It's almost March, and for the year 2013 I've missed out on a lot of things. We really can't have everything. But for those things that we do actually get a hold of? Be sure to never let go or die trying.

Too blessed to be stressed.

Since it's been a long time since I've touched feelingsmithy, I've decided to mark the occasion.
Here's my speech from awhile ago. I wasn't able to say everything word for word, but I think I got my message across. A lot of people said my topic was interesting, honestly it was really gross.

Let's see what you think.


~


FALL IN LOVE WITH A ZOMBIE
By: Arielle Sindac

Good afternoon everyone, sir. My name is Arielle Sindac and I’m going to give a speech that will probably weird most of you out, because I will talk about the possibility of falling in love with this.

Yes. A zombie. If you really think about it, about the thought of falling in love with this? A corpse, the undead, if you ask me it’s downright disgusting. Can you just picture all that decaying flesh, or can you even picture going near something that’s already rotting? And not only are they way past their expiration dates, these zombies are also out to eat you. Creepy, right?

But the thing is Zombies are monsters. They’re in the same category as vampires and werewolves, but as far as types of monsters are concerned the two are actually more accepted nowadays.
Sure we’ve got vampires who glitter in the sunlight and werewolves with six pack abs. Let’s not forget that it’s the month of February and I believe that zombies, although scary monsters, deserve some of that monster-loving as well. They deserve the chance to be loved and to fall in love. And who knows, maybe under all that rotting flesh, there might be a heart, a beating heart that beats for you.

Anyway, back to zombies. They’ve actually gone a long way to being a part of pop culture. Hollywood has transformed what used to be witchcraft and voodoo to something that markets the horror genre. It’s scary, there’s this fear factor of being chased by hungry flesh-eating monsters. But recently, fiction has provided people with a new form of entertainment. Not only do zombies scare the pants off of people but they actually make people think about the future. What if the world ends in a zombie apocalypse? What’s going to happen? How will we survive?

This zombie invasion scenario has actually thrilled a lot of people. That maybe having zombies around wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Yeah, you may be fighting for your survival and may be humanity’s last hope. But I think the thought of being able to shoot and kill and use weapons has made the zombie apocalypse more appealing to this generation.

So in the likely chance that the world does end this way, I am here to give you reasons on why you should consider having a zombie as a future life partner. Think about it this way. It’s the end of the world, chances are there are less of you and more of them. If that’s what’s gonna come down, I suggest you start thinking of building a loving relationship with the undead.

Take note, this is for the adventurous, crazy types and not for the faint of hearted and those with weak stomachs.

So why are zombies a catch? Well…

1) You know they’re not after looks. .

-          SO to all those complaining about guys or girls who only pay attention to a person’s physical attractiveness, maybe you can give zombies a shot. For one, you know they don’t pay attention to your physique, but what’s inside. The sad part is, it might be literally.

2)      They have unchanging features

-          Once you die, your body just stops growing. SO if you pick a zombie mate make sure that they died at the right age and at the right moment. You don’t want to have a zombie missing par ts or has a knife coming out of his eye. Pick one with immortalized abs and a barely scared face.

3)      You’ll never have this fear of your love one dying

-          Face it he’s already dead. The undead. So no worries in that department

4)       You have your own personal bodyguard

-          Zombies are not only immortal but possess unnatural strength that matches their unexplained undeadness. So if you want to survive, you’ll need a partner that can smash other zombies and protect you.

5)      Zombies can help relieve your fantasies

-          And I’m not talking about sexy fantasies, I’m talking about romantic fantasies. You’ll want a partner in crime, in love and in life. And sometimes we’re all after those rebellious types and a zombie fits perfectly. Your friends and family might think you’ve lost your mind. And your zombie orientation may be frowned upon by society. It’s all going to be you and him/her against the world, eventually

6)      And lastly, the possibility of a zombie to love you back

If there’s anything I learned from watching and reading Warm Bodies, it’s that we may never know what does go on in a zombie’s mind-or what’s left of it. If they had higher cognitive thinking skills, we will never know because of their lack of speech capabilities. Like I said who knows, right?

So your zombie may smell like he hasn’t showered for years or he may have parts missing- these are things you can overlook. He isn’t Nicolas Hoult and he’s not perfect. No one is. But if you give it a chance maybe, just maybe falling in love with a zombie might even help it change back to being human.

So give the zombie a chance to be your valentine. Who knows, it might be that one thing you were waiting for.

- >:)

do some damage

Or maybe damage control.

There are just some things that you just want to keep to yourself. Like you get over-protective because it's just that special and you just want to preserve whatever makes it that special. I get so selfish sometimes without me realizing it, not until I'm thinking it. It makes me feel like a child, a spoiled one, all grabby hands and an annoying voice to go with the usual, "It's mine mine miiiiiiiiine".

I think. I think I'll stop sharing things with you. You get annoying when you think you just know everybody. Or maybe it's just jealousy. I don't know.

Either way, I don't want others to go on claiming this and that. And that. I'll keep my mouth shut for the mean time. Sad times and over-thinking do not mix. There are just a lot of hurts and thoughts of betrayal.

I'm sorry. I'm being mean. But sometimes it gets that bad.

Yes. I think I'd rather keep some things to myself. For now.

But not the music. Never the music. I believe that's something that has to be shared.

- >:)

It's not the end of the world as we know it

When the world doesn't end tomorrow (notice that it's not if but when), I hope all those who've resigned themselves that tomorrow was going to be a "way out for them"? Won't feel so bad that they'd have to live again trying.

Bad things happen all the time. When people break up, the world doesn't explode, even if some people think it's the end for them. It just doesn't. Doesn't work that way. We just keep on living.

And then eventually die, but that comes later. Or if you were that unlucky you'd have met an accident and ended your life just like that.

So if you're thinking, let's party because the world ends tomorrow? That's sad. Really. Because you should be saying this everyday: party because we're still alive and who knows what will happen tomorrow. Not just because the Mayans or anyone tells you that the world is ending. Everyday is ending, and then tomorrow happens. And if you're lucky the next day, and the next day and the next.

~

I'm pretty optimistic about next year. That's why we have a new year, it's to start things over. Get better. Try harder.

Moping about how stupid I feel, or about me not really trying hard enough? I'm really tired about that part of myself. The one that makes excuses for every single thing, rather than just accepting and actually doing something about it. Maybe I'm only saying that right now and then end up giving up in the middle and reverting back to my old ways. It may happen, but it hasn't.

Why am I being so sentimental? I got a new planner.

I've given up on my DIY planners, but only for next term. I want to try something new.

I bought a Slate 2013 planner. Here's me, crossing fingers that I don't stop using it. Like how my failure- the 2012 Filed planner- has been left unused and forgotten after the month of February. It never  even made it to the end of the school year. Tsk, such a waste really. And I was so excited about it too because of it's doodle friendly trademark. I expect too much.

So I pledge to actually "live creatively", not just with the planner- for the love of Gerard. My life's been pretty blegh, and it's my fault. I can't blame my parents' conservative views and their over-protectiveness. I blame my being a coward, for being too awkward with other people, and worst of all, for always, always over-thinking. I've been keeping people at an arm's length thinking things that haven't happened yet. It's all in the mind, it's all in my mind and it's really a pathetic way of thinking. Is it, what is it. Neurotic? I don't even know, man. It's already too weird, even for me. And I have to do something about it. Because waiting for people to accept me, or to fix me? That's not always going to happen.

I feel friendships drifting apart, and I haven't done anything about it. Maybe just watch as the world moves on without me and just let these great relationships with people slip through my fingers without them even happening.

I thought that the world was ugly- that it is ugly. Maybe it's a mess I have to clean up by myself.

Hey.

- >:)

I’ll be the one who drives you home tonight

Hi, I haven't seen you in awhile. How have you been?

Me? Oh, I've been feeling like a Hilera song for the past weeks. High fives all around if you get my awesome OPM reference. Not only have I been busy studying to fail my exams, but I've been feeling quite stupid because I'm surrounded by people who are crazy smart, and honestly? I just don't even care anymore. Okay, so maybe I do, but only because I don't want to fail any of my classes. And I just want this term to end. 

I've made a list of things I want to do before the year ends, nothing special or crazy like my Things To Do for 2012 List. Just stuff I want to do by myself or with other people. 

I want to stay up reading and listening to music, buried in my pillows and my blanket fort. I want to walk the streets of Manila until I find a vintage camera I've been looking for. Or a food trip, a Binondo food trip. I want to have a date with my baby brother, and maybe eat fries, drink milk tea with him and read him comics. I want to attend a GRRRL SCOUT MNL Boot Camp, just one before the year ends. I want to feel the sweater weather and wear boots everyday. I also want to get lost now now now.

But sadly, there's still so much to do before the school year officially comes to a close. I still have exams and papers to pass and as always- it's as if I have so little time.

I hope everyone's getting into the Christmas spirit. I know I am, even if I haven't made my annual letter to Santa yet. 

I hope you've also seen Rise of the Guardians already. The movie is so brilliant. I love eveything about it! I love how they designed all the characters, the cinematography, even the music was so gaaaahhh- amazing! And Jack Frost? Jack Frost made my heart burn.... freeze? 

I miss my camera. I've been looking at my old photos from last year, and it's sad that I can't post them here because I've used up all my memory space for pictures or something. Sigh.

I love the new song of My Chem. Okay, so technically it isn't really a new song, it's actually one of the many songs they didn't release. Until now. Conventional Weapons which features 10 unheard songs from the band, and they'll be releasing two songs for the next five months. I think it's really rad that they decided to put it out on vinyl as well and God knows how much I'd want all five LPs. I think it's sad that the first two are already sold out. Does anyone know where I can still order them tho?

Anyways, I think it's cool that they're allowing their fans to get a glimpse of their songs, songs that they never thought they could release in their old albums. Listen to the song Ambulance, which is the A-Side track from Number Two. For me it has the same effect Disenchanted had for me, or maybe even My Way Home Is Through You. But yeah, mostly Disenchanted. It's the song that calmed me down before a test, a song I'd listen to when I feel so down and the song I'd listen to whenever I'm about to embark on uncharted territory and I'd just feel better about being me. I've been listening to it on repeat. A way to clear my head with everything that's been going on with school lately.

I hope you're looking forward to the Christmas vacation as much as I am.

- >:)

Soupy

School shizz + trying to cram a lifetime of psychology knowledge + masterbaking + waking up + going  home late late + laundry + multi-tasking + looking for new music = the slow death of one Arielle Sindac.

It's amazing that I'm still standing and haven't keeled over from all the stress overload. Also I am amazed that I haven't started packing my runaway from home bag from all the exams I've been failing. I seriously don't know how le smart people do it? Like for someone in a slightly above average IQ it takes a lot of study crazy effort just for me to actually cram stuff inside my brain. And then when the actual test comes my brain just dies from trying to recall all that information. So yeah, I've been failing exams for my major subjects. It's that bad.

I remember back in grade school when I resigned myself to the fact that I will always get line of 7 grades. It's the thought that hey, I'll never get to be smart, I'll never get passing grades for my parents' standards no matter how hard I try. I got content with just seeing my almost passing grades. That "failing" wasn't bad at all. But the thing is- the sad thing is- that was almost 10 years ago. It was a very, very long time ago.

Aaaaand it doesn't help that I'm in college. And I'm sucking in a bad way.

I'm too busy to a point that I can't even vent out in my personal space of the internet. S darn busy that I don't even have the patience to upload pictures for memory's sake. I'm just too blegh all the time. And so very tired. The only thing that gets me going is the thought that I still have to step it up when it comes to my school work and that it's almost Christmas vacation. Meaning it's almost Christmas. Le duh.

Also this afternoon I got a sad slap to the face by reality. It hurt so baaaad.

It was all because I was flicking through channels when me and a couple of friends were watching awhile ago. And I apparently I was the only one who still watched "stupid" cartoons. It just so happened that The Amazing World of Gumball was on CN and I was all, "Yeaaahhh!" and they were all, "Oh my god you still watch this show? How old are you?" What made it even more sad was that they didn't even understand how to "watch" the show. They were asking questions like all the time, and most of the time I was thinking that they were indirectly making me fun of me. But whatevs, man. Sheesh. You just watch and like laugh at the parts that were funny (which meant the whole time) and not have to get anything.

You just watch. But they didn't get it. So I had to change the channel. 

Because I was a ninja and ninjas put other people's happiness first.

- >:)

p.s.

I'm sorry for being soupy all the time. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are not-stupid but don't know how to laugh at the simple- kid things.

Hey I'm back. Did you notice that I was gone?

Two weeks. Wow.

Two weeks and my family actually survived. We all deserve a slow clap for this feat. 

I'm still in a state of shock. We have internet connection. After two weeks of being dead to the "world"? Yeah, it's like walking after your leg feels like it just died from sitting for so long. It's hard to get on your feet and when you start to walk, you go all wobbly and for a second there think you might just fall on your face.

 Life is just so complicated now, everything's done online now. And two weeks without being online and connected via social networking is like being dead for almost three months. Or more. I'll think of the past weeks as a detox diet. I'll live.

I haven't updated in quite a while, and I see a growing pile of folders filled with pictures just waiting to be uploaded. Must fix my school shizz first and deal with my own personal pity party after. 

Gosh, haven't touched Yo Zappity as well. Oh Gerard. I need to update my baby project. 

Must get serious, oh so very serious. We'll make Joker so mad, baby.

My fingers are so funky, but it needs to learn how to strum. I want to play with my new baby. I named her Marcy. I've baptized her the same way I did her older brother St. Jimmy. Licking your guitar's neck is a baptismal rite. It's like stepping on your new shoes or whatever.

I need more time to spend with a best friend. I love her so much I'd stop my being straight edge. Pineapple + vodka + wasabi = amazeballs. Seriously. I'd do celebratory drinks only only for my best grrrls. And special occasions. But mostly them.

More music, please? Music for the sick-ish?

- >:)