It's not the end of the world as we know it

When the world doesn't end tomorrow (notice that it's not if but when), I hope all those who've resigned themselves that tomorrow was going to be a "way out for them"? Won't feel so bad that they'd have to live again trying.

Bad things happen all the time. When people break up, the world doesn't explode, even if some people think it's the end for them. It just doesn't. Doesn't work that way. We just keep on living.

And then eventually die, but that comes later. Or if you were that unlucky you'd have met an accident and ended your life just like that.

So if you're thinking, let's party because the world ends tomorrow? That's sad. Really. Because you should be saying this everyday: party because we're still alive and who knows what will happen tomorrow. Not just because the Mayans or anyone tells you that the world is ending. Everyday is ending, and then tomorrow happens. And if you're lucky the next day, and the next day and the next.

~

I'm pretty optimistic about next year. That's why we have a new year, it's to start things over. Get better. Try harder.

Moping about how stupid I feel, or about me not really trying hard enough? I'm really tired about that part of myself. The one that makes excuses for every single thing, rather than just accepting and actually doing something about it. Maybe I'm only saying that right now and then end up giving up in the middle and reverting back to my old ways. It may happen, but it hasn't.

Why am I being so sentimental? I got a new planner.

I've given up on my DIY planners, but only for next term. I want to try something new.

I bought a Slate 2013 planner. Here's me, crossing fingers that I don't stop using it. Like how my failure- the 2012 Filed planner- has been left unused and forgotten after the month of February. It never  even made it to the end of the school year. Tsk, such a waste really. And I was so excited about it too because of it's doodle friendly trademark. I expect too much.

So I pledge to actually "live creatively", not just with the planner- for the love of Gerard. My life's been pretty blegh, and it's my fault. I can't blame my parents' conservative views and their over-protectiveness. I blame my being a coward, for being too awkward with other people, and worst of all, for always, always over-thinking. I've been keeping people at an arm's length thinking things that haven't happened yet. It's all in the mind, it's all in my mind and it's really a pathetic way of thinking. Is it, what is it. Neurotic? I don't even know, man. It's already too weird, even for me. And I have to do something about it. Because waiting for people to accept me, or to fix me? That's not always going to happen.

I feel friendships drifting apart, and I haven't done anything about it. Maybe just watch as the world moves on without me and just let these great relationships with people slip through my fingers without them even happening.

I thought that the world was ugly- that it is ugly. Maybe it's a mess I have to clean up by myself.

Hey.

- >:)

I’ll be the one who drives you home tonight

Hi, I haven't seen you in awhile. How have you been?

Me? Oh, I've been feeling like a Hilera song for the past weeks. High fives all around if you get my awesome OPM reference. Not only have I been busy studying to fail my exams, but I've been feeling quite stupid because I'm surrounded by people who are crazy smart, and honestly? I just don't even care anymore. Okay, so maybe I do, but only because I don't want to fail any of my classes. And I just want this term to end. 

I've made a list of things I want to do before the year ends, nothing special or crazy like my Things To Do for 2012 List. Just stuff I want to do by myself or with other people. 

I want to stay up reading and listening to music, buried in my pillows and my blanket fort. I want to walk the streets of Manila until I find a vintage camera I've been looking for. Or a food trip, a Binondo food trip. I want to have a date with my baby brother, and maybe eat fries, drink milk tea with him and read him comics. I want to attend a GRRRL SCOUT MNL Boot Camp, just one before the year ends. I want to feel the sweater weather and wear boots everyday. I also want to get lost now now now.

But sadly, there's still so much to do before the school year officially comes to a close. I still have exams and papers to pass and as always- it's as if I have so little time.

I hope everyone's getting into the Christmas spirit. I know I am, even if I haven't made my annual letter to Santa yet. 

I hope you've also seen Rise of the Guardians already. The movie is so brilliant. I love eveything about it! I love how they designed all the characters, the cinematography, even the music was so gaaaahhh- amazing! And Jack Frost? Jack Frost made my heart burn.... freeze? 

I miss my camera. I've been looking at my old photos from last year, and it's sad that I can't post them here because I've used up all my memory space for pictures or something. Sigh.

I love the new song of My Chem. Okay, so technically it isn't really a new song, it's actually one of the many songs they didn't release. Until now. Conventional Weapons which features 10 unheard songs from the band, and they'll be releasing two songs for the next five months. I think it's really rad that they decided to put it out on vinyl as well and God knows how much I'd want all five LPs. I think it's sad that the first two are already sold out. Does anyone know where I can still order them tho?

Anyways, I think it's cool that they're allowing their fans to get a glimpse of their songs, songs that they never thought they could release in their old albums. Listen to the song Ambulance, which is the A-Side track from Number Two. For me it has the same effect Disenchanted had for me, or maybe even My Way Home Is Through You. But yeah, mostly Disenchanted. It's the song that calmed me down before a test, a song I'd listen to when I feel so down and the song I'd listen to whenever I'm about to embark on uncharted territory and I'd just feel better about being me. I've been listening to it on repeat. A way to clear my head with everything that's been going on with school lately.

I hope you're looking forward to the Christmas vacation as much as I am.

- >:)

Soupy

School shizz + trying to cram a lifetime of psychology knowledge + masterbaking + waking up + going  home late late + laundry + multi-tasking + looking for new music = the slow death of one Arielle Sindac.

It's amazing that I'm still standing and haven't keeled over from all the stress overload. Also I am amazed that I haven't started packing my runaway from home bag from all the exams I've been failing. I seriously don't know how le smart people do it? Like for someone in a slightly above average IQ it takes a lot of study crazy effort just for me to actually cram stuff inside my brain. And then when the actual test comes my brain just dies from trying to recall all that information. So yeah, I've been failing exams for my major subjects. It's that bad.

I remember back in grade school when I resigned myself to the fact that I will always get line of 7 grades. It's the thought that hey, I'll never get to be smart, I'll never get passing grades for my parents' standards no matter how hard I try. I got content with just seeing my almost passing grades. That "failing" wasn't bad at all. But the thing is- the sad thing is- that was almost 10 years ago. It was a very, very long time ago.

Aaaaand it doesn't help that I'm in college. And I'm sucking in a bad way.

I'm too busy to a point that I can't even vent out in my personal space of the internet. S darn busy that I don't even have the patience to upload pictures for memory's sake. I'm just too blegh all the time. And so very tired. The only thing that gets me going is the thought that I still have to step it up when it comes to my school work and that it's almost Christmas vacation. Meaning it's almost Christmas. Le duh.

Also this afternoon I got a sad slap to the face by reality. It hurt so baaaad.

It was all because I was flicking through channels when me and a couple of friends were watching awhile ago. And I apparently I was the only one who still watched "stupid" cartoons. It just so happened that The Amazing World of Gumball was on CN and I was all, "Yeaaahhh!" and they were all, "Oh my god you still watch this show? How old are you?" What made it even more sad was that they didn't even understand how to "watch" the show. They were asking questions like all the time, and most of the time I was thinking that they were indirectly making me fun of me. But whatevs, man. Sheesh. You just watch and like laugh at the parts that were funny (which meant the whole time) and not have to get anything.

You just watch. But they didn't get it. So I had to change the channel. 

Because I was a ninja and ninjas put other people's happiness first.

- >:)

p.s.

I'm sorry for being soupy all the time. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are not-stupid but don't know how to laugh at the simple- kid things.

Hey I'm back. Did you notice that I was gone?

Two weeks. Wow.

Two weeks and my family actually survived. We all deserve a slow clap for this feat. 

I'm still in a state of shock. We have internet connection. After two weeks of being dead to the "world"? Yeah, it's like walking after your leg feels like it just died from sitting for so long. It's hard to get on your feet and when you start to walk, you go all wobbly and for a second there think you might just fall on your face.

 Life is just so complicated now, everything's done online now. And two weeks without being online and connected via social networking is like being dead for almost three months. Or more. I'll think of the past weeks as a detox diet. I'll live.

I haven't updated in quite a while, and I see a growing pile of folders filled with pictures just waiting to be uploaded. Must fix my school shizz first and deal with my own personal pity party after. 

Gosh, haven't touched Yo Zappity as well. Oh Gerard. I need to update my baby project. 

Must get serious, oh so very serious. We'll make Joker so mad, baby.

My fingers are so funky, but it needs to learn how to strum. I want to play with my new baby. I named her Marcy. I've baptized her the same way I did her older brother St. Jimmy. Licking your guitar's neck is a baptismal rite. It's like stepping on your new shoes or whatever.

I need more time to spend with a best friend. I love her so much I'd stop my being straight edge. Pineapple + vodka + wasabi = amazeballs. Seriously. I'd do celebratory drinks only only for my best grrrls. And special occasions. But mostly them.

More music, please? Music for the sick-ish?

- >:)

BAMF up your Friday

In my previous post I was raving about how excited I was about how my Friday was going to be the best ever. I had fantastic plans. But yeah, sometimes fantastic plans don't always go the way you want them to, no matter how much you try. And try. 

I woke up late. So I wasn't able to bake cupcakes for the BAMF and it also meant that I didn't get to commute to school with the coolest Hamster in the world. The LRT ride was sad and lonely and without the funny I was expecting. Oh well, I know there will be more days to come. I will ride the train with him and have another Sawi Special, but like the morning edition. It's going to be crazy, I can tell. I have to get a decent alarm clock.

So fantastic plans, right? I at least got to have bfast with my homie. It was so early in the morning, still wasn't ready for public viewing. But yeah, he's my homie. I could look like a dude and he wouldn't care less. Bfast was from McDo and even if I weren't trying to increase my vegan powers I know I'd still pick fries. (But my perfect bfast meal from McDo would be: 1-2 Egg McMuffin/s + hashbrown/fries + hot chocolate. I couldn't have the burger because, le duh egg and cheese and ham and maybe even the bread was so not vegan. I really wanted hot chocolate to go with my fries, but I didn't want to risk getting de-veganized. I was reluctant about ordering hot coco because you never know it might just have milk. So fries it was then)

Since Friday was so darn special, or since it turned out to be so darn special I feel like sharing one of my fave spots in school. It's one of around 5 spots where I really go to spend time to ponder on life's mysteries and why I am so weird with my feels and spreading the emo. I also go here when I just need to breathe. But yesterday, I just felt that this was the perfect place to have take out bfast at 8 something in the morning.

Introducing.... maestro, the Hero's Comeback theme please... my secret getaway at Yuchengco!

Welcome all ye brokenhearted and emo

So yeah, this is where me and Diego had bfast. This is also where I mostly spend my time (if I'm far far away from Enrique) if I just need to breathe, when I need a quiet place to think, when I want my emo to fly away like my hair when the wind blows in my direction. 

Yesterday, the sky was just so amazing. I think I fell in love with it. I would propose, but the sky was too far away. Being married to something must involve getting to touch it. Like my bed, I am married to my bed. The sky was still beautiful. Still needs more cumulus clouds tho.

The sky I want to marry

 Bfast for champions ♥

 Arielle junk

 #HIGHFIVEMOFO This is my homie Diego

My daddy's rubber shoes! I heart them so much. It's like they're staring at my soul

So it was me eating fries and cleaning out my bag and trying to be a homie. I was waiting for a triplet's text to tell me where she was. Another reason to why Friday was so fantastic was because I knew that  I was getting my She's Only Sixteen EP. When I was finally contacted you can only imagine how fast I ran from Yuchengco to Medrano. I needed to hear them songs like crazy! It's been a week since missing out on their EP launch which was obviously epic. So yeah. Medrano.

 My fave LaSallian triplet

 Helping her out with Pinoy Henyo 

 And then finally finally finally!

Waited a week for this! Gaaaaaaah! You have no idea just how much of a happy carrot I was when this photo was taken. Seriously seriously seriously was spazzing fangirling all over the place. I even was dancing a little jig while unwrapping this lovely EP. And if you noticed, you'd see that I actually brought a walkman just to be able to listen to their songs right away. I am so old school, but whatever. It is for my ears, I am saving my ears. Too bad it went all fail as soon as I closed the cd player. When the Sena's voice started to sound like a broken record I freaked in and pressed stop. No way in the hey hey was my new baby getting scratched. So I had to put it away and wait patiently until I got home. Also it had a tiny scratch on the case, so I had to put it in my plastic envelope just to prevent more damage and EP harm. Was satisfied that I got to finish listening to Dying To Meet You anyway.

 HAPPIEST CARROT + SHE'S ONLY SIXTEEN EP 

 I am doing the jig here, I am shaking it and going funky waist up while unwrapping my baby

 I always make it a point to read what the band has to say. This is their baby too, they put so much into making this album. The least I could do was read who they had to thank because they were responsible for their success

 'Cause I'm old school, dork level

 Protect le EP

Finally finished this book, borrowed it from my GLD brothaaaa. All I could say was, book > movie

The rest of the time spent at my Yuch spot was left for lying around, Diego teaching me how to dance (I suck at dancing.It is so sad, you would sweat through your eyes if you witnessed it), taking pictures and me wanting to listen to my EP.

 My hot hot pink wallet + current thing that inspires me: this LSP note!

 Diego!junk

 "Let's dance, mofo"

 This is Chad. I don't know which bag Bruce has decided to play hide and seek in. So I am unlucky by turtle proportions

 My view from the floor

Thank you and come again

 Making Diego wait while I wait for the train

The rest of the day spent at school was GG related. It involves lots of practicing and me trying to sound sexy. It's hard to sound sexy, I can only sound like a dork. But whatevs, I have my guts. I can still try try try again. Also had lunch with some of the DJs and DJTs. Guess what I had? I had fries again. The only difference is that I got anorexic fries sprinkled with pepper. Got to smell the best vanilla scent ever, was able to have sips of this really delicious drink (mango and lychee, right?) and got taho for dessert. Then followed by more practicing. And anticipating. And then giving. 

And then leaving. It was time to BAMF up my universe.

Same time, same place. Tayuman station was the place to be at 4:30. It's been a month since I last saw Lou, waiting a few minutes wouldn't hurt. Also I got to practice while waiting. She asked me if I was talking to myself, I said I was practicing. I let her hear a sample and she asked, "Why do you say "Giant" like that?". Hmmmm... I honestly don't know.

The train means so much to me and BAMF because it becomes a test to prove how much we love each other. That we can surpass any obstacles, even if they came in the form of lady arms, shoulder bags that were always in the way, and the ability of the female compartment to defy science. I shizz you not, I have no idea how a lot of people get out of the LRT and only one handful can barely squeeze themselves inside.What, can women expand at an alarming rate of seconds they use to keep the doors open? Women, tch. Defying science since child birth.

The train ride was crazy and filled with Lou actually shushing me for being too hyper. It was no use for I could not contain my excitement for being in her BAMF presence. Also I could not prevent my verbal/kwento vomit. She should've seen it coming, we haven't seen each other in forever and ever. It was at least a month's worth of feels and sob kwentos. Also yeah. She needs to be updated on how weird I am now, especially since I haven't been basking in her sparkle motion.

 Because she is the BAMF Universe, only she can look Sasha Fierce in a an accidental flash picture. I sadly, will always have a derp face. Yeah, it's sad. I know

Excuse our being vain and lame (Vame? Lain?) in front of the train. We wanted really cool pictures inside the train, but the guard kept saying that doors were going to close in on us any second. Psh. I would've given him the finger, but yeah I was with Lou. She was like a parental advisory sticker or my censor beep. She really makes sure that she is a good influence in my already defiant way of life. So yes, this LRT is the only place I can meet up with my BAMF, it is only right that we take pictures with the thing that keeps us together.

Our destination was TriNoma, for fries and purikura. And a clean rest room with like, toiletries. 

Shenanigans ensues. We really need to tame ourselves in public, but the exact opposite happens. Just knowing that we were together and within arms reach was enough to make us tough potatoes and do whatever we wanted. We knew how embarrassing we were, but being side by side to my BAMF just increased my obliviosity and I-Don't-Give-A-Fork attitude I always seem to possess when I am with STC people.

 Le duh. JGL is her husband okay

 Because Jack Frost, Guardians version, is the hottest. Dude, he looks like a Black Parade!Gerard Way. It's the hair, platinum blonde is sexy on dudes who can rock it

We have a pre-dinner meal after getting a purikura. Wanna know what I ate? I'll give you a clue: I've been eating it since 8 in the morning. I had fries again.I was full of fries last Friday. If I wasn't vegan then I would partner the fries in my belly with a grande burrito. But since I had vegan powers, I will make my belly happy one day by being full with burritos and fries. I also had fried bananas I purposely didn't eat. Fried bananas were like fries in a way.... ish. Just say yes.

Lou has an awesome way of eating her burgers. She puts fries and loads of ketchup in between le patty and the burger bun. She ordered curly fries today, don't really know the difference it makes with the burger. But it did look like a beautiful mess with the cheese and the patty, it looked like someone stabbed the burger. Or because the burger fell out of love or something that it's heart yanked itself from it's cold dead bod, scattering ketchup blood everywhere. The curly fries would be the intestines and guts trying to spill out from where the heart escaped.

I am so weird.

 How to eat burgers BAMF style

I also owed her like cupcakes, unfortunately like I said I wasn't able to bake. So to lessen her bitterness towards my being cupcake-less I tied to make it up to her by presenting her with pastel. They were so good they worked their magic into her tummy. I couldn't help but do a mental fust pump for knowing she loved it's yema goodness. She was trying to eat as slowly as possible, I could only bring her two and not a whole box. The Sindacs loved their food too much, and they lobed their Pastel. 

 Pastel and it's yema goodness

Pastel? BAMF approved

 RAWR! I'm a vampire!

As much as I wanted to stay longer, sadly our time together had to be cut short. I was needed by a sick bb bro and it sort of broke my heart when I was asked to go home. Ahhh, all good things do come to an end.

It was great to see here after so long, it only comes to show that a great best friendship really isn't measured by how much time you spend together. I really, really missed her and I ending my Friday even if it was just for a few hours made my day.

More Fridays, please?

 I declare Friday, officially BAMF-ED!

- >:)