We'll Carry On

When I found out about My Chemical Romance disbanding, it came as an utter shock.

Once again, it is by my phone that my world view is rocked. And rocked to the core it was.

I received the news through a text message from a close friend and fellow die hard of the band. Unlike her, I was unprepared for what I was about to read.
I was at the hospital because my youngest brother had inguinal hernia (don't google it unless you have an iron stomach) and access to the internet was the least of my concerns. So when I get the 'IT'S FVCKING OVER' text message, I didn't really know what to believe in anymore.

Probably a few weeks ago, I little birdie told me that her connections told her that My Chem was going to have a concert here in the Philippines. So you can only just imagine how I felt that day. I was saving up for a concert, instead, the separation of my favorite band in the entire world happened.

Saturday, I was on a denial high, I just couldn't accept it. The band had been around for twelve years. I barely knew them when their 3rd album came out. So if I do the math right, give or take I had at least seven years investment in the band I recognized as the one that saved my life.

That was their slogan, that was the banner they held high and marched and carried on in their fictional Black Parade. "This band will save your life", from awkward interview answer to personal lifeline. Those were the words that I held on to and gave as an excuse to everyone who looked down on me and my taste in music. After My Chemical Romance? There was no turning back.

This was the band that really got me into music. This is the band that inspired the weirdest themed outfits from me and the ugliest haircuts. This is the band that allowed me to sing out loud and not care about what people would think. This is the band that said, "you are not alone" and made me believe.

While everyone saw death and dark themes, I saw never forgetting that life was precious and you never know what's going to happen to you. Me and everyone else who listened to My Chem's music knew this. Whether they were part of the MCRmy or were just fans of the music, it didn't matter. We understood every chord, every drum beat, every screeching vocal, every line, every song. It was like everyone who was ever misunderstood, who was ever made fun of finally had someone- had something that stood by them and made it feel like someone really, truly believed in them.


I have to stop here before I start bursting into tears at the thought that there will no longer be new music to look forward to. That I will never get to experience listening to a new album straight for the first time, probably ever. That I never got to watch them live in concert and that in my head I always thought, "There's always next time".

There probably is no next time, and no matter how many times I wished they'd pull a Fall Out Boy three years from now and just make the world a better place with a new album and the promise of touring in my country? It's not going to happen just because I want it to.

The band, the members, the family- they all have different lives now compared to when they were trying to make it out there. They all have their wives and their children and their new projects and comics and music of their own to make. I assume that being in a band was holding them back from their new lives and things that were "more" important than the fans.

But it never really is over. And it's not really the end.

I have a piece of the band in me, and so does everyone else who's been a huge fan, or even those who just know one song, or even those who are only in it because of the physical attributes of certain members.

As Gerard Way put out there, "My Chemical Romance is not a band, it's an idea". The very idea that kick started concept albums and these moving, over the top concept music videos. The same idea that started these great comics and artworks. The idea that saved lives and helped other people realize just how beautiful they were in an ugly world. It just goes on and on and on.

And I can spout references and quote songs all day long, but if I learned anything from this band, if they left me with the great secrets of the universe? It would be the following...


1.) YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- this is a fact of life. And whether I feel lonely in a crowded room, or even a stranger to my own family, I know that someone out there is just like me and I know I'm not the only one.

2.) DISENCHANTED WILL MAKE EVERYTHING 1000 TIMES BETTER
- if you don't believe me, try listening to the song before you're about to do something you're afraid of, or if you're about to do something spectacular. Trust me, it's not just the lyrics, it's not just the music. The song is magic and it will help you get through anything. Job interviews, a tournament, a test, LIFE. Tried and tested, I promise.

3.) "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE COOL. SO STOP TRYING"
- these words hit me, and it really struck deep. Gerard probably meant that he didn't have to be anyone but himself, but it can also mean that he really thought that he was uncool. Either way, when you really think about it, even if it's beyond the valley of cliche. This was the truth and you better start believing it. You don't need to try to impress anyone, or to prove anything to people you don't even know. Everyone's awkward in their own right, in their own way. But your insecurities shouldn't bring you down.
You can only ever be yourself, so start believing in yourself and get blown away at how awesome it is to just be you and no one else.


4.) "AND REMEMBER WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MCR SAYS START A FVCKING BAND"
- from crazy guitarist to moving writer, Frank never ceases to amaze me. Take that leap of faith, and just do what makes you happy. Create, inspire, save the world.


I will miss Ray's crazy hair and mad guitar skillz, Frank's ability to do crazy guitar tricks and not break anything, Mikey's 360 degree change from that guy with glasses to the hot Way brother, Bob for being so cool even when he left and the song he wrote that went, "Oh Gerard you make my heart burn", and everyone who was part of the My Chem family. Other musicians + techs + bodyguards + roadie guys + wives and kids and supportive relatives included. I will miss all of them, everyone who had a part in the twelve years of this band, this family.
But most of all, I will miss my idol: that awkward geek to 9/11 survivor to stage diva to comic book artist to guy with Ronald McDonald's hair to husband to dad to Party Poison to the guy who saved my life.

Thank you.

"Aim for savior and end up being rad"

- >:)

11:59 PM

I wish you said:

I'M PROUD OF YOU

, instead of:

NO. TELL THEM, THANK YOU, BUT I WILL NOT BE A PART OF IT BECAUSE MY PARENTS SAID SO.

Thank you for the 18 years of my life. You're the best.

My heart gut.

- :(

Long time no write

Hi.

I don't really know what else to say. I'm just pretty overwhelmed at the moment.

Today, I received an unexpected text message while preparing for a speech for my SPEECOM class. While I was trying to cram an almost two page script, my phone vibrated. I didn't want to be distracted, because I suck at giving speeches, especially in front of a lot of people. I have really bad nerves and a tendency to eat my words wasn't any help. But I whipped out my phone thinking it may be something important, or maybe I actually wanted the distraction.

I will never look at my phone- the bringer of the most random news- the same way ever again.

Still overwhelmed. Still nervous. Still need to calm down.

It's almost March, and for the year 2013 I've missed out on a lot of things. We really can't have everything. But for those things that we do actually get a hold of? Be sure to never let go or die trying.

Too blessed to be stressed.

Since it's been a long time since I've touched feelingsmithy, I've decided to mark the occasion.
Here's my speech from awhile ago. I wasn't able to say everything word for word, but I think I got my message across. A lot of people said my topic was interesting, honestly it was really gross.

Let's see what you think.


~


FALL IN LOVE WITH A ZOMBIE
By: Arielle Sindac

Good afternoon everyone, sir. My name is Arielle Sindac and I’m going to give a speech that will probably weird most of you out, because I will talk about the possibility of falling in love with this.

Yes. A zombie. If you really think about it, about the thought of falling in love with this? A corpse, the undead, if you ask me it’s downright disgusting. Can you just picture all that decaying flesh, or can you even picture going near something that’s already rotting? And not only are they way past their expiration dates, these zombies are also out to eat you. Creepy, right?

But the thing is Zombies are monsters. They’re in the same category as vampires and werewolves, but as far as types of monsters are concerned the two are actually more accepted nowadays.
Sure we’ve got vampires who glitter in the sunlight and werewolves with six pack abs. Let’s not forget that it’s the month of February and I believe that zombies, although scary monsters, deserve some of that monster-loving as well. They deserve the chance to be loved and to fall in love. And who knows, maybe under all that rotting flesh, there might be a heart, a beating heart that beats for you.

Anyway, back to zombies. They’ve actually gone a long way to being a part of pop culture. Hollywood has transformed what used to be witchcraft and voodoo to something that markets the horror genre. It’s scary, there’s this fear factor of being chased by hungry flesh-eating monsters. But recently, fiction has provided people with a new form of entertainment. Not only do zombies scare the pants off of people but they actually make people think about the future. What if the world ends in a zombie apocalypse? What’s going to happen? How will we survive?

This zombie invasion scenario has actually thrilled a lot of people. That maybe having zombies around wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Yeah, you may be fighting for your survival and may be humanity’s last hope. But I think the thought of being able to shoot and kill and use weapons has made the zombie apocalypse more appealing to this generation.

So in the likely chance that the world does end this way, I am here to give you reasons on why you should consider having a zombie as a future life partner. Think about it this way. It’s the end of the world, chances are there are less of you and more of them. If that’s what’s gonna come down, I suggest you start thinking of building a loving relationship with the undead.

Take note, this is for the adventurous, crazy types and not for the faint of hearted and those with weak stomachs.

So why are zombies a catch? Well…

1) You know they’re not after looks. .

-          SO to all those complaining about guys or girls who only pay attention to a person’s physical attractiveness, maybe you can give zombies a shot. For one, you know they don’t pay attention to your physique, but what’s inside. The sad part is, it might be literally.

2)      They have unchanging features

-          Once you die, your body just stops growing. SO if you pick a zombie mate make sure that they died at the right age and at the right moment. You don’t want to have a zombie missing par ts or has a knife coming out of his eye. Pick one with immortalized abs and a barely scared face.

3)      You’ll never have this fear of your love one dying

-          Face it he’s already dead. The undead. So no worries in that department

4)       You have your own personal bodyguard

-          Zombies are not only immortal but possess unnatural strength that matches their unexplained undeadness. So if you want to survive, you’ll need a partner that can smash other zombies and protect you.

5)      Zombies can help relieve your fantasies

-          And I’m not talking about sexy fantasies, I’m talking about romantic fantasies. You’ll want a partner in crime, in love and in life. And sometimes we’re all after those rebellious types and a zombie fits perfectly. Your friends and family might think you’ve lost your mind. And your zombie orientation may be frowned upon by society. It’s all going to be you and him/her against the world, eventually

6)      And lastly, the possibility of a zombie to love you back

If there’s anything I learned from watching and reading Warm Bodies, it’s that we may never know what does go on in a zombie’s mind-or what’s left of it. If they had higher cognitive thinking skills, we will never know because of their lack of speech capabilities. Like I said who knows, right?

So your zombie may smell like he hasn’t showered for years or he may have parts missing- these are things you can overlook. He isn’t Nicolas Hoult and he’s not perfect. No one is. But if you give it a chance maybe, just maybe falling in love with a zombie might even help it change back to being human.

So give the zombie a chance to be your valentine. Who knows, it might be that one thing you were waiting for.

- >:)

do some damage

Or maybe damage control.

There are just some things that you just want to keep to yourself. Like you get over-protective because it's just that special and you just want to preserve whatever makes it that special. I get so selfish sometimes without me realizing it, not until I'm thinking it. It makes me feel like a child, a spoiled one, all grabby hands and an annoying voice to go with the usual, "It's mine mine miiiiiiiiine".

I think. I think I'll stop sharing things with you. You get annoying when you think you just know everybody. Or maybe it's just jealousy. I don't know.

Either way, I don't want others to go on claiming this and that. And that. I'll keep my mouth shut for the mean time. Sad times and over-thinking do not mix. There are just a lot of hurts and thoughts of betrayal.

I'm sorry. I'm being mean. But sometimes it gets that bad.

Yes. I think I'd rather keep some things to myself. For now.

But not the music. Never the music. I believe that's something that has to be shared.

- >:)